How to tell your friend you are gay/lesbian and like them without them freaking out

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Your best friend is funny, funky and fabulous and you’ve had a crush on him since you realized you were gay. It takes a lot of courage to tell your friend you are gay or lesbian and that you like them. It's also tough to do this without them freaking out. They make freak out anyway but you know you’d kick yourself if you didn’t admit your feelings. Here’s how.

  • Pick a time you are alone with your friend and tell him you have something shocking to tell him. Try, “I have something to tell you that’s going to make you freak out.”

  • Diffuse the freak out part by admitting you’d freak out if you heard this news, too, and weren't expecting it but he’s so cool you know he can handle it.

  • Admit your sexual preference. “If you didn’t realize it, I am gay.”

  • Admit your feelings. “This is hard for me to tell you, and I hope it doesn’t ruin our wonderful friendship, but I’ve had a crush on you for two years.”

  • Accept what comes. This could be a slap in the face or a shocked silence. In the best case scenario, you might get an admission that your friend is gay, too, and has a crush on you for three years.

Tips & Warnings

  • If your friend does not have reciprocal feelings, you can still preserve the friendship by putting the crush out of your mind and concentrating on what a wonderful friend he is.
  • No matter how much you tell them not to freak out or how strategic you be, your friend is probably going to freak out anyway.
  • Don't make passes at your friend or pursue your feelings if he's not interested.
  • Don't get his name tattooed on your chest unless you know the feelings are mutual.

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  • Photo Credit Illustration by Ryn Gargulinski
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