How to accept your parents getting a divorce

Dealing with your parents' divorce can be very stressful.

Forty-three percent of first marriages end in divorce in the first 15 years, according to USAttorneyLegalServices.com, and 65 percent of second marriages end in divorce. This frequency of divorce leaves many children trying to deal with the stressful, painful and life-changing fallout of their parents' failed marriage. If your parents decide to divorce, there are things you can do to help you accept their divorce and ease the transition into your new family structure. (See Reference 1.)

Instructions

1. Recognize that your parents' divorce is not your fault. Children often feel responsible for a divorce, wondering if their parents would have stayed together if they had just behaved a little better. However, parents divorce because they have grown apart, fight too much, have fallen in love with someone else or have problems with alcohol or drugs, not because of anything their children did. (See Reference 2 Page 1.)

2. Accept your feelings about your parents' divorce. Emotions of anger, sadness, confusion, embarrassment and jealousy are normal reactions to the disruption that divorce causes in your life. Understand that any feelings you may experience are okay and normal. Share your emotions with a trusted friend or family member. Write about your feelings in a journal. Release intense emotions by playing sports, exercising or punching or screaming into a pillow. (See References 3.)

3. Focus on your own life. Continue with the activities you normally enjoy, such as spending time with friends, participating in extracurricular activities, reading, writing, playing video games or working at your job. Take care of yourself, making sure you eat well, get adequate exercise and have enough time alone. Stay with a close relative or friend for a period of time if you find being at home too difficult or stressful. (See Reference 2 Page 3.)

4. Request what you need from your parents to make the divorce easier on you. Insist that they not pull you into their fights or pressure you to take sides. Discuss worries you have about when the divorce will take place, where you will live and how changes in your parents' financial situation may affect things such as your college prospects. When you visit one parent, keep in touch with the other by phone or email. (See Reference 2 Page 3.)

5. Identify the positive aspects of your parents' divorce. You may feel happier and more relaxed when you no longer live with your parents' constant fighting. You may find that you grow closer to a sibling you can lean on for support, or you become more compassionate by helping a younger brother or sister through your family's transition. You may find that your parents' divorce taught you important coping skills and helped you find inner strength you didn't realize you had. (See Reference 2 Page 4.)

References

• USAttorneyLegalServices.com: Divorce Statistics -- Divorce Rates
• TeensHealth; Dealing With Divorce; Michelle New; August 2010
• PBSKids: Divorce -- Dealing With Feelings