How to Raise a Boy into a Man

Raising a boy into a man with the sensitivity that is required for an African-American son is not difficult at all. The timing of when to discuss certain subjects such as how that child will be perceived once he is a man is important as you don’t want to take too much childhood innocence away too soon.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• A son aged 14 years old
• Patience
• Determination to help your child become responsible and listen to your child's friends and other children if necessary

1. Allow your son to have a childhood and play XBOX 360, Nintendo, Sega and all other video games that he likes until he is 14 years of age.
2. At 14 tell your son gently that now that he is physically becoming a man he will be perceived quite differently by the outside world. Depending upon the area that he is in at the time, women may start clutching their purses or he may be viewed as being a threat even though he is not. He could be the most peaceful child in the world with no history of trouble and may have problems with people viewing him as dangerous all of a sudden. Don’t try to make him feel bad about this just make it seem like that is society’s fault for viewing him that way.
3. Provide an example of how the world was when you were a child to show the contrast. Nowadays children are protected from each other and do not go outside to play in large groups because people are more uptight about their children’s safety and rightfully so. Son, when I was growing up in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s boys went outside to play. Girls would be outside playing double dutch and other games but boys would be out there mostly. At least 30 kids would be outside playing on the block and the way that we go to know each other was we played ball. Sometimes a fight would break out you know, and somebody would get hit on the mouth and that was how we got to know each other.
4. Provide an example of how the world is today to show the contrast from when you were growing up. Nowadays everything is about the police report. If two children get into a fight the police have to be there. This is because each child is locked away in his or her own home playing Nintendo, XBOX 360, or whatever and there is no group play anymore.
5. Tell your son what you expect from him academically and that you will help him if he is going to join an athletics program to bond with other young men his age in friendship. Son, school is not a place for you to play around. I expect good grades and I expect you to come to ask me for help with managing your homework and projects if your athletics schedule or other extracurricular activities cause you to not be able to finish every assignment. Son, when you start noticing girls yourself and playing sports that combination can get a little distracting from school. Always let your kids know that they can ask you for help when school gets to be a bit stressful.

Tips & Warnings

• Make it easier for your son to talk to you about sex by asking him what he already knows. Then tell him it is never okay to force a girl into having sex if she says no. Tell him to always use a condom and spermicide together if he is going to have sex but that you would prefer it if he waited until marriage.
• Try to get your son to be a part of a youth group at your church. Most churches periodically have fun outings that are strictly teens only. These trips have the teens on a bus with a group of their peers and a caring mentor and this provides lots of time for conversation and friendships to form.
• Get your teen involved at your local recreation center. Programs include basketball, soccer, tennis, exercise classes and many other activities teens would enjoy.
• Now is also the time to teach your son how to create a household budget, how to cook at least 10 complete meals, how to do laundry, how to save money, how to clean the house in more detail, how to iron clothing, how to stand in line at the electric company, the phone company and other places to pay bills (you will give him the money for the bill, of course, he just needs to know how to stand in line and pay it at this point) and how to start a small side business so he can earn extra money on his own. This way when he goes off to college you can be extra proud of him knowing that you have taught him survival skills.
• Tell your son to always ask the girl if she is HIV positive or not and that the two of them should go down to the free clinic to get tested for HIV before any sexual activity.