How to Owning a hearse

This article is about owning a funeral car and all that goes with it.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Don't actually pay alot of attention to things posted on this site as I have seen alot of misconstrued information. First off I have never seen nor heard of a junkyard having a special section for hearses. Second, hearses are not the most commonly scrapped vehicles. Lastly Cadillac does not build hearses, coach builders do. Know who built your car. Do a ton of research on it and you find things are a bit easier to fix and live with.
2. You have to be mentaly prepared to own a hearse. They are big, hard to park, bad on gas, and mechanics seem to think that all the parts to these cars are special parts. Most parts are custom to the car in question but the drivetrain, most of the suspension, and the front interior parts are what can be found on stock models. I had a mechanic try to charge me about a grand more for a transmission because it was "special". Know what is special to your vehicle and what is not.
3. These cars can pass anything except for a gas station. Mine gets about 8 in town and 12 on the highway. They can be hard to park sometimes. Expect to have people ask stupid questions about the car and tell you what you should do to it (i.e. make it into a truck). If you where to want to do that buy a flower car or better yet, a truck. Expect to forego your own nourishment just to keep these things gassed up.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't go to buy a hearse with no money. This pisses of hearse owners immensly.
• Take what you can get if you are hard up to get one. "I want a 1959 Superior Crown Royale. Must be black, 3-way, and in perfect condition. I have $800", this my friends does not work.
• Save your money and don't waste our time. Most of these cars are worth a lot and we will not take payments for the next 15 years.
• Stupid people will come out of the wood works just to ask you a stupid question about your car. "Is this like the Ghostbusters mobile?" is a personal favorite.
• Don't destroy a perfectly good coach by cutting out the rear floor (bier floor). The car will lose a great deal of resale value. Find one in a junk yard or in the woods.
• Gas mileage sucks.