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Step 1
Acknowledge that they are feeling sad. It's natural to want to avoid the sad and bad parts of life, but teach your children that sadness is an acceptable emotion. Talk to them about their feelings and let them know it's just fine to be sad in a sad situation, such as the death of a pet.
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Step 2
Let them know it's OK to feel bad about something good. Especially in a situation that mixes good and bad, young children can be confused. They may be delighted that a favorite cousin got into a good college, but sad that their cousin is moving away. This mix of emotions is tough for young children. Take the time to sit with them and tease out the good parts, the bad parts and the in-between parts. Label them clearly for the child and let them know that it's OK to be sad and happy at the same time.
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Step 3
Don't let the grieving process escalate. Try to keep calm during your talks with your children. They can sense when you're sad too, so try to keep a lid on your emotions.
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Step 4
Don't give too much information. If someone has died, avoid going into long discussions of medical options. Young children don't really get it and it can be very frightening. Focus on what's happened and, if your belief system allows, the fact that the deceased is in a better place now.
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Step 5
Recognize that grief will show up in unexpected ways. Crying is not the only response you'll see to grief. A child may feel angry or hurt by a death or friend's move. If your child is acting in an uncharacteristic fashion, ask her what's wrong and see if the two of you can talk through how she's feeling to let her grief out.
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Step 6
Empathize with your children. They're feeling sad, mad, lonely and blue. Talk to your children lovingly about how you understand what they are feeling, not what they are going through. You want to build open communication with your child about their feelings so that they can feel comfortable sharing the full breadth of their emotions with you--now and in the future.
