How to marry a film producer

So you have Hollywood in your blood and won't be satisfied until you have married into the business. You don't want to necessarily do any film producing yourself, you just want to have it in the family, right? There are several ways to access your future film producer spouse, depending on how picky you are about their list of credits. Do you want a high roller like Sydney Pollack or would Roger Corman be okay? Do you want a producer who actually works all the time and you never see, or do you want an established producer who only does jobs he feels like doing? The tips below will help guide you toward your married life in the world of celluloid.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. First, remember that except for a handful of very successful producers, a film producer is mostly an out-of-work film producer. Be prepared for the fact that if you do find your film producer on an actual working production and marry, that might be his last production ever. Hollywood is a fickle mistress--the work comes and goes, and mostly goes.
2. If you're into the indie world of movies, check out the back pages of Variety and Backstage. They feature low-budget projects that are always looking for help. You can work for low pay while you are scoping out potential spouses. Low-budget producers sometimes turn into high-end producers, but it's pretty much a crap shoot. Of course you should marry someone because you are passionate about him, his ideas and his soul. And the movies he likes.
3. You should live in New York or Los Angeles to have access to the biggest pool of film producers.
4. Attend film markets. IFFM (International Feature Film Market), AFM (American Film Market) and countless film festivals all have yearly events and all will be crawling with film producers. It's an awkward way to go, but what beginning of a relationship isn't awkward? You'll have to pay to get in.
5. Check out the top film schools for extension programs where film producers come to speak. Attend their lectures or sign up for their classes. Top film schools include: UCLA, USC, NYU and Columbia.
6. Find temp agencies that service the studios. This is a good way in the door to work on productions. You might find a new career in film by accident while in search of your true love. Try the Los Angeles agency, Apple One, based in Glendale.

Tips & Warnings

• To find local film producers in cities outside of New York or Los Angeles, contact your city's film commission. They wil have a book of local producers, their credits and contact information.
• Of course, setting out to marry someone strictly for their career is a little bit like a Marilyn Monroe movie plot. Nice outfits, but not much substance to it. Better to roll up your sleeves and start working for one of these producers. You might find something you like doing, and then by accident you might fall in love with the pool man, write a script about it and win an Oscar.