How to Comfort and Console Those Grieving Over the Death of a Loved One

The grieving need to know they are not alone.

Comforting and consoling people going through the grieving process is not an easy task. Some people don't know what to say or how to act, or they may feel like they are intruding on the grieving person's privacy. Dealing with grief is a learned behavior that, while never completely comfortable, can be done by applying some basic principles. If executed properly, some tips and guidelines can help you assist your friend or loved one in his time of need.

Instructions

1. 

   Sometimes a hug is all that is needed at the moment.

   Go to the person grieving as soon as you can, even if it is an inconvenient time for you. Don't distance yourself from him or make him feel like he is an oddity. A grieving person needs to know he is not alone and that that you genuinely care and are concerned about what he is going through.

2. 

   Anger is a step in the grieving process.

   Show the grieving person love and choose words carefully. Keep in mind that she may be experiencing bitterness, anger and even despair over her loss. These are normal responses for people going through a time of trial and heartache. Don't say things such as, "I know how you feel" or "It will get better with time." Words like these stab the heart of someone feeling as if her world has just fallen apart. Be kind, and give her a safe place to cry and share her feelings without fear of rejection. If you feel the urge to cry, cry with her. Don't feel you have to be stronger than she is.

3. 

   Don't play the "why?" game with the grieving person.

   Sit with the grieving person without speaking and listen with compassion. If he starts to question why the death happened, don't try to give any theories. Tell him you don't have any answer for that question and continue to listen. Playing the "what if" game or theorizing could have tragic results for those grieving, including severe guilt.

4. 

   Do some household cleaning for the grieving.

   Visit her often after the funeral. Even though the funeral is over, the grieving is not over. Grieving is a process, so a grieving person may need help for weeks or months afterward. If the lost loved one was a very close friend or family member, the person grieving may not be able to handle even the simplest tasks. Take her food, do her dishes or clean her home. Try to help in any way necessary to keep her household running and her life on track.

References

• Agape India: The Hope Within Us: Bringing Comfort to the Bereaved
• Morman Share: Comfort the Grieving/What Not to Say at a Funeral
• Helpguide.org: Supporting a Grieving Person