How to Celebrate Mother's Day Without a Mother

Mother's Day is coming, and children are making cards and gifts, your friends are shopping for their mothers and perhaps asking your advice. Television, radio, and magazine advertisements constantly remind you of the date of this year's Mother's Day. But maybe you don't have a mother. Maybe she was lost to you at birth, or she died later on, or you simply don't have a relationship with her any more, for any of a variety of reasons. What do you do? You don't have to spend the day skulking around feeling depressed and left out. Here are a few tips for getting through Mother's Day--or any family-related holiday--intact and with cheer.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• A little time to yourself
• The will to fight off sadness and loneliness
• Friends or family members (optional)
• Whatever gives you comfort

1. If your mother has died recently, sometimes the best thing to do is to seek out other people who knew and loved her to talk about her. Visit her grave, or write in a journal about memories of the things you loved about her.

2. Every human on earth had a mother once, but if yours is unavailable to you, there are other things to do on Mother's Day. The idea of motherhood is wrapped up in nurturing. When you feel a need to be cared for, appreciated or comforted, you may like to turn to a mother-figure in your life. This could be a friend or relative, or it could be yourself. We are all capable of nurturing ourselves in some way.

3. One way to spend Mother's Day is to do something that reminds you that the earth is our mother: if you live near an ocean, go to the beach. Near mountains? Go for a hike and take along a picnic. Enjoy the beauty of Mother Nature, either alone or with a companion.

4. If you are feeling lonely and sad, think about what makes you feel better. Some people like to wrap a soft blanket around themselves and drink hot tea or eat cookies and drink milk. Others like to take a warm bath while listening to music. Some like to shut the world away and bury themselves in an absorbing project, while others like to get out and meet people and ask for a hug or a smile or a joke-telling session. It's okay to do whatever makes you feel better, as long as you harm no one, including yourself.

5. If you know an older woman in a nursing home, or who is house-bound through age or illness, going to visit, taking along a treat or a small gift can make both of you feel good. Giving is a great gift to the giver. There are many forgotten older people in the world who would benefit from a little kindness, even from a stranger or acquaintance.

6. If you would normally buy flowers or candy or a card for your mother on Mother's Day, and for some reason, this is not an option this year, you can always buy them for yourself. You could do what one dear friend of mine does with uncomfortable holidays: she proclaims them all, "Half-Price Candy Eve," and buys treats for herself the day after the holiday at a discount.

7. In any case, don't let somebody else's holiday get you down. Humans are social beings, and sometimes it really hurts to feel left out. Give yourself a break and find another way to enjoy the day.

Tips & Warnings

• If there is someone you know who is going through the same thing you are, offer to join them for Orphan's Day, which happens to fall on the same day as Mother's Day. Go out to dinner together, or rent movies and have snacks at home. Live it up a little.
• If you are depressed, seek medical attention. Even your family doctor can give you some help. Reaching out is the first step.
• If you are feeling lonely and sad and out of the loop, don't let the feeling take over. Doing something physical, like partcipating in a sport, or working out at the gym, or just going for a walk can break up that feeling. If nothing seems to pull you out of the dumps, seek professional help.

[GeorgiaGirl4U]

on 5/12/2008 Ursula I loved the article, I lost my mother 4 years ago and it doesn't really get any easier. I learned a long time ago like you say in your article that I feel better when I at least take a plate from our big meal to a couple of neighbors that have no one. If we look deep enough we will always find some one that has it worse than we ourselves have it. Bringing a smile to the face of some one like that is worth it all.
God Bless!

[leannec71]

on 5/3/2008 My mother passed away a few years ago. It is hard on mothers day but I try to remember that I am a mom and I should make my sons mothers day good which makes me happy. Also I rember my mother in law and send her a card or gift.

[2ndMomma]

on 5/1/2008 Dearest Ursula...

This is a wonderfully written article, and I am certain it will help and comfort a great many people.

Also, I wanted to say thank you for your comment on my "Diabetic Tea Article." You had asked me how long would the concentrate keep...I would guess at least 2 weeks in the frig without any taste problems. We go thru the 4 gallons in less than a week; if my Daughter is home from College, it goes quicker than that! haha :))

Again, thanks for writing such a great article...keep up the fantastic work, and pray for me as I work on a book of Devotionals. Bless you today and always.

Warmly,
Vickie...2ndMomma :))