How to be an Adonis

Adonis was a youth of remarkable beauty in classical mythology. He was favored by Aphrodite and had legions of female followers. If you have aspirations of greatness, look to Adonis as a role model and do your best to emulate him.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Devote your life to achieving the perfect male form. Stop at nothing less than zero body fat and rippling muscles. Take every opportunity to wear as little clothing as possible to show off your god-like body.
2. Maintain a youthful glow with that year-round tan, bleached teeth, dyed hair and endless plastic surgeries.
3. Appear impeccably groomed even when you awake in the morning or middle of the night. Use plenty of hair products, shower several times a day and always have breath mints in hand.
4. Act vain and overly-confident when in the presence of women. Elicit constant compliments about your beauty.
5. Venture out in public only when accompanied by at least one adoring female companion.
6. Achieve legendary lover status by practicing your art daily. Adonis was known for having numerous companions. Don't get tied down with a single woman, even if she has a near likeness to Aphrodite.

Tips & Warnings

• Choose a modern day role model or two, possibly someone famous, who embodies the characteristics you desire.
• Beware of retaliation by jealous women and envious men. Achieving god-like beauty has a price. A wild boar, believed to be sent in retaliation by Artemis or Ares, killed Adonis.