How to Cope With Terminating a Pregnancy

Dealing with an unexpected and unwanted pregnancy can bring about a series of conflicting emotions. Not only does she often find herself scared, frustrated and desperately seeking support, but sometimes the very people who should be supporting her are pushing her to do something deep inside she doesn't want to do--get an abortion. Afterwards, she feels alone and can't seem to cope with terminating her pregnancy.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Understand that you are not alone in your feelings. Although few women talk about terminating their pregnancy, about half of American women experience an unintended pregnancy, and out of this half, one third end in abortion. Many women who have had an abortion deal with regret, anger and depression months and even years later.
2. Give yourself time to grieve. A boyfriend, spouse or someone who has never dealt with abortion might tell you to just "get over it," but allowing yourself to go through a range of emotions such as anger, sadness and guilt are actually healthy. The more you openly admit and accept your feelings the less likely you are to cover them up with self-destructive behavior such as alcoholism, drug-abuse or feelings of suicide. Let yourself decide, instead of others, when you choose to heal.
3. Seek counseling or get involved with a support group. Many women need support after terminating their pregnancy. There are also support groups of women who get together to discuss the effects of post-abortion syndrome. It can be comforting to talk with someone who has been through your experience and knows how you are feeling.
4. Realize that you may have been coerced into terminating your pregnancy. Some women are threatened with abuse by the father of the child, or threatened with being kicked out of the house by their parents if they don't have an abortion. Other times, women are shamed into abortion by their obstetrician telling them they already have "too many kids."
5. Find a positive outlet to heal. Some women find it helpful to plant a rose tree or sponsor a child in a poor country in remembrance of their pregnancy. Other women mark the anniversary of what would have been their child's birthday and light a candle on that day. You can also try writing in a journal to help make sense of your feelings or start your own tradition to remember the life that was inside of you.
6. Forgive yourself. You may regret terminating your pregnancy and are having a difficult time coping, but spending the rest of your life in condemnation won't change the situation. Admit that you made a decision you regret, ask for forgiveness and then accept the fact that you have been forgiven and are still loved.