How to Talk Like a Character in a Kung Fu Movie

One of the most distinctive features of a kung fu movies is the strange and exaggerated way that characters in the film talk. The dubbing and already outrageous facial expressions of the actors make talking like a character in a kung fu movie a hobby by its own right.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Direct your gaze at a 45-degree angle to the ground and slightly past anyone whom you might be addressing. If you have trouble getting the right look, imagine that you're using your peripheral vision to talk to the person you're having the dialog with.
2. Exaggerate the movement of your mouth so that a slew of mouth movements accompany every syllable that you speak. As a general rule, the bigger the movement of your mouth, the more you will resemble a character in a kung fu movie. After you finish your sentence, continue to move your mouth in silence to get the dubbing effect of kung fu flicks.
3. Get progressively more angry as you speak by narrowing your eyes and finishing each sentence with a shout or grunt.
4. Make each line of your kung fu movie dialog long-winded, involving many "slights" and "dishonors" to your "ancient family." Continue to speak in valiant terms of restoring honor for slain and humiliated relatives, and make sure that your kung fu movie enemy knows that his time has come.
5. End your monologues with a phrase like "Then you leave me no choice," after which you should scream and launch your intricate kung fu attack.