How to Deal With Critical In-Laws
If you have critical in-laws, you probably wish you and your spouse could escape to a desert island. Your mother-in-law is dusting your furniture right after you finished a marathon cleaning. It's temping to send your father-in-law packing after he gives in to your child's tearful plea for an extra dessert. Relax. While it can be stressful to deal with critical in-laws, it isn't impossible.
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Instructions
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Discuss the problem with your spouse. He knows your in-laws much better than you do and may be able to suggest a workable solution. On the other hand, he may be totally oblivious to there even being a problem. Give him the facts in a calm and reasoned manner, rather than attacking his mom and dad. Try not to make him choose between you and her parents.
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Treat your critical in-laws with kindness and respect. The Golden Rule really applies here. Deal with their judgments as lovingly as you can. Always be polite.
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Talk to your in-laws about the problem. They may react with surprise, or they may attempt to reassure you they are not trying to be difficult. They may even agree with you. Whatever their reaction, you will at least get things out in the open.
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Welcome them into your home. Invite them to parties, and make sure they have the grandchildren's activities on their calendar. Give them your bedroom when they come to visit. If you have a guestroom, make it special just for them. Include a welcome basket full of treats, such as magazines and snacks. Move a television into the room.
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Cut your mother-in-law some slack. If she's still buying underwear for your husband or cutting the crusts off his sandwich, she may simply be afraid to let go. It's difficult to stop treating your children as babies. Don't make a major issue out of something relatively insignificant.
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Accept the fact that you may never be best friends. Critical in-laws may be part of the package you chose when you married your husband. Just do the best you can, and don't let your strained relationship with them hurt your marriage.
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Comments
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idawmn
Apr 10, 2009
I married my husband 6 1/2 years ago. We are an older couple. Husband's sister in law has disliked me since the day she had even heard about me because (of all reasons)I didn't have a College or University degree. She is a Professor at a local University. A few times now I have been the victim of her condescending remarks at family functions but I have seen her doing this to other family members who just sit back and choose not to say anything. They have known her for almost 30 years now. I have now reached my boiling point and have told my husband that if there is one more rude comment from her, I will call her on it right in front of everyone and then walk out. I will never attend another family function. I have been nothing but nice to her through the past six and a half years and don't deserve this crap. My son also has been the victim of comments (he's 18 now) because he's -
Peacenowatlast
Dec 02, 2008
Personally, I have faced some nasty experiences with my mil and sil. This is like the worst combination. They will gossip behind my back and make critical remarks about me. Nobody is perfect, and my mil actually once even told me to my face that she is PERFECT. I was very shocked by her remark. She often will say to me that she gets along well with people. I guess she is implying that the reason our relationship doesn't is because of me. I am the only person to be blamed. I felt really sad and depressed because I do want my mil to love me like my own mother and want her to be like my mom since my real mom is living in another country. Cheers to all mils who treated their dils well and not judge them negatively! Cheers to all sils who choose not to gossip behind their sils' back with their moms.
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Peacenowatlast
Dec 02, 2008
Personally, I have faced some nasty experiences with my mil and sil. This is like the worst combination. They will gossip behind my back and make critical remarks about me. Nobody is perfect, and my mil actually once even told me to my face that she is PERFECT. I was very shocked by her remark. She often will say to me that she gets along well with people. I guess she is implying that the reason our relationship doesn't is because of me. I am the only person to be blamed. I felt really sad and depressed because I do want my mil to love me like my own mother and want her to be like my mom since my real mom is living in another country. Cheers to all mils who treated their dils well and not judge them negatively! Cheers to all sils who choose not to gossip behind their sils' back with their moms.
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Peacenowatlast
Dec 02, 2008
I think mil and sil have unrealistic expectation of their dil. My experiences with my own mil and sil will only remind me to treat my dil the way I want to be treated.
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Peacenowatlast
Dec 02, 2008
I think mil and sil have unrealistic expectation of their dil. My experiences with my own mil and sil will only remind me to treat my dil the way I want to be treated.
