Step1
Communication and Understanding. Try to understand your teenager, This is one of the harder steps, considering most parents haven't been in their position in a long time. Teenagers are naturally rebellious in some way. It is the time where they declare independence and want to be their own person. Let them do so, but within their safety zone which you discuss with them. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship with your son or daughter. The more you talk to them and they feel comfortable talking to you, the better things will be. Remember this isn't a one time step, it MUST be an ongoing life changing step. Have a daily conversation. Even if it must be on the phone, it is important for them to feel important in your life. You must be genuinely interested in what is happening in their lives. It is a hard task to do, but somewhere in the middle between friend and parents there is a middle zone. The reason so many parents lose everything when their children become teenagers, is because this middle zone, is hard to pinpoint and stay one. Nobody that I can imagine can perfectly stay on this zone, because the truth is: Nobody is perfect! So all I can say is find your closest middle ground. Not too much of a friend, because your teenager does need to still steer them in the correct direction. But also not too much of parent because they need to begin to depend on themselves. They cannot be protected from everything. You must realize these years are critical because if you do smother them and be too overprotective because your afraid they will lose their way during these years. Once they do reach the legal adult age of 18 they will only be uneducated and will most likely either still rely on you or try to rely on themselves with no previous experience and begin to loose their way. So in Conclusion Communication is our first step. Know your Teenager. Inside and out. Don't be afraid to talk, and if you are: GET OVER IT! Or your putting you teen at risk for life complications. And life is already complicated, so just talk to them!
Step2
Love is an important step of this process. Due to the shaky time which most teens go through in life, their self love is tainted. Lots of times they doubt themselves. They need to know they are loved and cared for. Specifically the need to know that your parental love is unconditional. Things happen. Bad things happen. Teenagers are prone to it. But you need to make sure they know you are always there for them, you support and respect them. You must also understand that the age gap between a 13 year old and a 17 year old are major. So the love, will always be the same, but the way you portray it will be different. Must not let your child's emotions get in the way of your logical parenting reasoning. Yes I did say be their friend. BUT REMEMBER you are and always will be their parent. You are responsible for their life still. Love them but don't let that love be twisted, control it. For example your girl teen knows how much you love them, they ask you to go to a concert with an guy friend and as chaperones the guy's older brother and girlfriend. This is your choice. How you evaluate the situation is by your own opinion. Do you know the guy? Have you met the chaperones? Do you trust that your daughter is at the point in her life when she has enough sense and responsibility to be trusted to handle all possible situations safely or as safely as possible? Life isn't predictable, do you believe she can handle whatever life throws at her during this concert? If yes, then discuss this with her, make sure she knows why you are letting her go. Because you trust her to be responsible enough. Tell her reasons, give her examples. Be very logical and simple. Be straight forward. Make sure she know this is not a right, but a privilege that she has earned, and can easily be taken back due to any events or choices which show she is not ready to be at this level. Make she knows its a little give a little take. And in the other direction, if you choose to not let her go then you MUST tell her why. Give her a long talk about why you believe her not ready to be responsible enough for this event. Tell her you love her and don't feel safe or whatever reason it may be. DO NOT leave her out of the decision. Yes obviously she is going to want to go. But she must be involved in the decision, and must understand why it is yes or no. If she doesn't then she will feel as if there is no reasoning and you are just being a mean parent. SO AGAIN: LOVE AND COMMUNICATION
Step3
My third step is most certainly TIME. Many parents forget this key factor during teenage years because their teenagers often say "Leave me alone". The truth of the matter is what they need more than anything is time. They need you to be there for them. Most of the time the teenager will hate it. Complain, wish they could be locked up safe in their bedroom. The more open ones will let you know they enjoy the time spent with you. But another thing parents must remember is this is a time where they are telling you they don't need you as much anymore. THEY DO STILL NEED YOU. Just be patient, give them love and time. Offer to take them to lunch and a movie. Or even you work a lot and you only see them a little at home sit down and watch a movie with them, or play cards and make small conversation. Show a interest in spending time with them. Just doing something with them just them, makes them feel cared for, which can make major alterations in the end. You may not know it and the teenager may not know it, but in the end, when they are grown up and really don't depend on you and they have their own lives. They might realize that, the time you spent offering advice or casual conversation helped them develop and understand the world better. So make sure your investing some increment of time into your teenager. Don't have any time? MAKE SOME! Your a parent, and obviously you love your child, or else you wouldn't have fallen upon this article. So whether it's a half hour or a whole day or week. Spend time with them. Even if you can't be next to them for this long due to certain complications, its called a telephone, or a computer... Show them you actually care and they are not just a "problem" in your life. Time is what gives you communication. So it is the most vital factor in your relationship with your teen.
How to get along with your teenager
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