How to Convince People you are a Fireman

Sometimes the question of "what do you do?" can be a real drag. Cocktail parties or social events can make those not in the white-collar world feel a bit insecure. No longer. By donning the guise of a fireman, you will be lauded and praised and turn the tables on those corporate chumps. Here’s how you can convince people you are a fireman.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Nothing, though a charred piece of clothing would be beneficial

1. Pick your station. Where do you want to fight fires--the woods, big rambling prairies or an urban wasteland? Pick your general area, and make sure the people and stories reflect this. You’re not going to be putting out wildfires and dashing up 12 flights of stairs.

2. Lead with humility. When someone asks what you do, say "I’m just a firefighter. I hate it when everyone wants to call us heroes, though. A hero goes above and beyond. I’m just doing my job." People will appreciate this, and it gives you a convenient out if you want to cut a story short.

3. Learn a few acronyms. Nothing says "I’m in the industry" like throwing out some jargon. You’ve clearly got internet access. Why not search "fireman lingo" or "firefighting terms"? Sprinkle your conversation with such obscure references and act as though they are common knowledge.

4. Tell one dramatic story, and tell it right. If conversation about your supposed profession continues, the best way to convince people you’re a fireman is to tell them a story of your fire fighting bravery. Pick out the details, the lack of sight inside the fire, the danger of the particular structure.

5. Know when to end the talk. Wrap up the powerful story with, “most days though are pretty boring, helping kittens out trees or housewives in distress.” Laugh heartily and inquire about someone else’s much more exciting job.

Tips & Warnings

• If there is another firefighter in the room, you will be found out soon.

[Nun-ya]

on 12/25/2008 Lame........we don't get kittens out of trees.

[shannonny]

on 10/13/2008 What can a woman pretend to be? I would go with one of these: 1) a missionary doctor in Bolivia, 2) a veterinary surgeon, 3) the owner of a minor-league baseball franchise called The Rockets.