How to Rock Harder Than Anything

Rocking harder than anything is a tall order indeed. You’ll need money, connections, land and explosives--all hard things to obtain. Thus, rocking this hard is limited to the highest levels of a rock god. However, should one of you be reading--this is pretty much as boss as it gets.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Several large construction vehicles
• Roughly 15 lbs. of dynamite per vehicle
• A helicopter (preferably 2)
• 2 to 4 gigantic speakers
• A professional quality soundboard wired into one helicopter
• Remote detonators
• A mix CD of hard rock and metal
• An extremely large clearing
• 2 video or film cameras
• A former military helicopter pilot
• High-proof alcohol

1. Make the mix. Whatever says “this rocks balls” to you will work. Popular choices include Pantera, Metallica, Motorhead, Blood Brothers, Helmet and AC/DC. You want to think of background music for explosions and screams of delight, and also something you can play louder than a helicopter’s blades.

2. Strap the speakers to the bottom of the helicopter. You’re going to want to consult an expert on this, so as not to upset the balance for flight or the ability of the craft to actually land.

3. Connect the speakers to the soundboard. This may require the use of a roadie or sound engineer, but one of them should find it easy enough to route the amps needed to power the massive speakers.

4. Bring the construction vehicles to the empty field. The bigger, the better for these things. Backhoes, bulldozers--anything that will make a satisfying “boom!” when it vaporizes.

5. Rig the construction vehicles with dynamite. This will take a bit of knowhow, but make sure not to just strap the explosives to the outside of the vehicles. Heavy-duty construction equipment is built to withstand all manner of degradation, so it will be best to mount the explosives within the actual frame of the vehicles to ensure maximum impact.

6. Instruct the film crew to either fly in the separate helicopter and/or ride with you.

7. Drink up. Don’t get so crazy-drunk that you’ll forget this awesome experience, but you’re going to want a little buzz to bring you over the edge of mayhem.

8. Put the CD in the player, take off in the helicopter with speakers. Zoom around above the field of construction equipment and take a few swigs. Ideally, the pilot is in on some sort of choreography so that he’s sure not to fly above one of the vehicles as it explodes.

9. Start the madness. At select points in your favorite songs, hit the remote detonator and unleash screams of delight.

Tips & Warnings

• WARNING: Check local laws before engaging in this activity.
• Make sure not to explode the wrong vehicle out of sync with the flight path or the shrapnel from the explosion could damage the helicopter.