How to Take a Dating Sabbatical

I hear a lot of talk about how to get more dates, better dates, luckier dates--but what about how to take time off from dates? Dating requires seemingly endless amounts of patience and vulnerability and constant giving of your attention and energy. When things click, the dating game feels invigorating and wonderful; when things fail, it feels draining and hopeless. If you’re worried, consumed or bitter about dating--it might be time for a timeout. Let these tips be your guide to a successful dating sabbatical.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Courage
• An ability to breath deeply
• Faith that love is abundant and needn't be forced

1. Define the timeline. How long will you go without dating? Three months? Six months? Two years? Setting a definitive amount keeps your sabbatical feeling like a break that you control, opposed to a perpetual slump that could go on for an indefinite amount of time.
2. Create a sabbatical mission statement. Put the motivations and hopes for your dating sabbatical into writing. For example: “I am taking a break from dating for one year to recharge my spiritual life and reevaluate what matters most to me. I will emerge from this period with clear intentions, renewed energy and an ability to make myself vulnerable without fear.”
3. Send mind games packing. Do not entertain thoughts like: “I will never meet anybody” or “Dating is so hard for me; I must be unlovable” or “Why am I still single when all my friends get to be happily married?” Remember, you are taking time off from dating, which includes worrying about dating. When troublesome thoughts arise, ask your mind to give you a break and not return until your dating sabbatical has concluded.
4. Relax. Breath. Smell the roses. Enjoy every moment of your time away from dating. There’s no hurry. Love and romance needn’t be rushed.
5. Reconnect with forgotten hopes and hobbies. What was something you used to enjoy doing, but haven’t done in a while? What’s a skill you’ve always longed to develop? Choose one activity to pursue and make your dating sabbatical a time to dive deeply into a new passion.
6. Explore new forms of love. Romantic love isn’t the only love worth pursuing. You can love a parent, sibling, friend, barista, pet, plant, bicycle, idea or activity. And don’t forget that you can love yourself: your hair, your toes, your rear end, your nose.
7. Treat yourself to a weekly date with yourself. Make it a ritual. Every Wednesday, spend an hour after work perusing the shelves of your favorite bookstore. Buy a bouquet of flowers at the farmers market every week. Linger a little longer over the paper every Sunday.
8. Cross that bridge when you come to it. “But what if I meet THE ONE while on my dating sabbatical? What am I supposed to do then? Should I strictly adhere to my rules or should I ditch this plan? What if I let THE ONE slip away? Or what if THE ONE turns out not to be THE ONE and then I’ll end up right back where I started, only worse because I would have cheated on my sabbatical which was supposed to rejuvenate me?” Whoa! Relax. Remember, this is not just a time-out from dating, but also a time-out from worrying about the future. Keep your mind on the present and cross "THE ONE" bridge if and when you come to it.
9. Chronicle your experiences. Blog about your dating sabbatical. Keep a journal recounting your feelings. Make a daily video diary about your struggles. Create a graphic novel to honor your discoveries along the way. Not only will this help you stay true to your mission, it will also give you a time capsule of an important moment in your life.
10. Jump back in. The point of a sabbatical is not to create an impenetrable wall around your heart or to retreat from romantic relationships for eternity. When your sabbatical is over, make yourself open to dating again.