Things You'll Need:
- Confidence (a Nimbus)
- At least 1 woman
- Clean hands
- At least one functioning eye (optional)
- Healthy and strong vocal skills
- Conversation skills
- Fresh breath
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Step 1
Develop your Nimbus
The "nimbus" refers to your confidence. It radiates from you, like a shimmering aura that other people can feel and interpret. That confidence, that "state" (as in state of being) is the engine which will drive you as a seductive, attractive individual. Future articles will dive more deeply into state, but for now let's focus on some basics:
State should be positive (it's very hard to be attractive to others when you're negative)
State should be energetic (lethargic, apathetic people aren't attractive either)
Two words you can keep in mind are "Feel good!" This is both a command, instructing you what to do, and also a definition of how you should be. -
Step 2
Become Comfortable in Your Environment
Wherever you are, (even if you've been there a thousand times before) can feel completely alien to you if you're going there with the intention of meeting women. Something as regular as karaoke night at your local bar can seem like the surface of the moon when you decide to meet some of the women there.
So what can you do to overcome this odd feeling? Become comfortable.
Wherever you go, try and feel as though you've been there forever. Relax in your seat. Smile. Take it easy. No one (other than your own mind) is pressuring you. It's just a bar/club/lounge. You've been to these kinds of places before. You're just out having a good time. No worries. No stress. You left all that behind back at the office, right.
Now, it's time to feel good and meet some people. No pressure. Just start off with a chat. -
Step 3
Have An Interaction
For more information on interactions, see our other articles, How To Meet Women and How To Attract Women.
This step assumes you've read both.
Find a nice woman. I'd recommend the nice brunette with the sparkly eyes who was smiling at you when you laughed at the bartender's joke. It was a very pretty smile, and she looks interesting. Certainly too attractive to avoid saying hello to. C'mon, you can do this. Just go say hi and see what she's about. I'll wait here. -
Step 4
Escalate That Interaction
I knew you could do it! Feels good, doesn't it? You're a natural. I'm proud. So there you are, talking. Holding eye contact. Really putting yourself out there. Awesome.
Now, escalate.
Escalation is when you make physical contact with another person, or advance from just talking casually toward more intimate goals. Sleazy people call it "making your move". But you're not sleazy, are you?
Escalation, if you want an easier, less pressure-creating definition is moving the interaction past just simple conversation. Now, exactly how far you escalate is a hotly-contested subject, as people will tell you that you should go as far as you can as fast as you can, and others will tell you to spend hours laboriously reaching "benchmarks" as if this was a science experiment.
This isn't a science experiment. This is a woman. And you're talking to her. Don't forget that. Now, let's escalate.
Maybe you want to move a little closer to her. Smile and go for it. Maybe you want to change the topic of conversation to one more serious. Break out a private joke between the two of you. Begin connecting with her on a level outside of "Hey, we just met 5 minutes ago."
She's a woman, you're a man. Remember to escalate as you feel comfortable, and she'll be comfortable too. -
Step 5
Close the Interaction Properly
Closing an interaction (called "going for a close") is another touchy subject. Some schools of thought say that unless you end up in bed together that first night, you haven't closed. Other people say there are different types of closes (number, kiss, sex) and you have to have them all, in order.
A close, in easy-to-digest, non-nerd terms is any "plateau" that would take the interaction to "another level". There are 3 kinds of close:
* The number close -- wherein you exchange phone numbers
* The kiss close -- wherein you kiss each other
* The "f" close (hey I didn't name it) -- wherein you engage in a sex act
Each close has an appropriate point in any interaction. You'll know which is appropriate based on her body language, both your moods and how you both generally feel throughout the course of the interaction. Future articles will cover this in greater depth. For now, let's not add pressure to you and aim for her phone number. -
Step 6
Get her phone number (Optional)
So....about that phone number. You like each other. You had a good time together, right? Want to have another good time later? Of course you do!
Asking for a number can be hugely cliche, and there are all kinds of direct and indirect ways of getting a phone number. I'm personally all for directly asking, so here are some suggestions:
1. Hand her your phone. Tell her to put her number in.
2. Add her number to your phone, ask her how she'd like to be known in your address book.
3. Swap phones, you each put your numbers in, then swap back.
In any case, once you get a number from her, call it immediately. Yes, immediately. This will immediately rule out if she's given you a bogus number. (Hey, it happens)
Comments
iamageniuster said
on 10/18/2008 Great tips. 5 stars! Thanks for sharing.
jm5708 said
on 5/10/2008 One of the biggest things that helped me is learning to be comfortable everywhere. The simple way this article is written is right on point, relax, be cool. Learning to be totally comfortable in any environment is super powerful and will make you much more social dynamic