How to Avoid That Dirty Bag!

Consider the average woman’s handbag. While I’m sure there are those spit-and-polish women who don’t fit the picture of what I’m about to discuss with myself, I think most of us are members of the dirty handbag society. Take mine for example. I tried using one of those cutsie-tiny bags – and then to carry all the things that didn’t fit in it, I grabbed a plastic grocery bag! So what takes up so much room that I need a satchel? For one, the wallet. My wallet isn’t huge but I’m trying to imagine it stuffed into my back pocket like a guy. Doesn’t that bring an attractive image to mind? The sun glasses, the driving glasses, the reading glasses… The keys! My key chain rivals any prison guard’s ring of keys. I have keys on there I for cars I don’t even own anymore! I can’t go out without keys for home, keys for the office, keys for my son’s apartment, keys for my mom’s apartment, keys for your car, keys for his car, keys for anything because I never know when I might need them. It’s HUGE! I have a permanent bruise on my right knee from where the keys repeatedly bang against my leg while I’m driving. Huge. Other things I can’t do without: my cell phone, my MP3 player, a case to hold lip gloss and a hair brush. And then there are those times when I’m carrying what ever my husband doesn’t want bulging out of his butt pocket!

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. So, if you look into your bag right now, would you find that stray piece of chewing gum like I have? You know, the one that got away while you were trying to open the gum package when you were talking to your friend on the cell phone as you zipped down Interstate 95.
2. Now, think about what else is crawling around in that bag. Did you put your wallet down on the counter when you were picking up the dry cleaning? Did you know that little Billy’s mommie stood little Billy on that counter just a few minutes before you got there? Do you know where Billy’s precious little feet were just before they rested on that counter which is where your wallet sat?
   
   Whatever little Billy walked in is on your wallet which was rubbing against that piece of random gum you just pulled out of your handbag. Yummy!
3. Did you use the ladies room at a mall or a restaurant lately? Of course you washed your hands when you were done but where did you put your handbag while you sat on the commode? If you were lucky, there was a shelf or a hook to hang your bag.
   
   You didn’t sit it on the floor, did you? And then return to your lunch and put that poopy-pee contaminated handbag on the table with your napkin that you wiped your mouth with, did you?
   
   Just think about what was on that stall floor.

Tips & Warnings

• Be smart! Think about what you're doing and where you're going. I think I’m going to go buy a very tiny wallet and stuff it in my butt pocket!