How to Comprehend the Fundamental Laws of Life, Love, the Universe, Work, Shopping and Home Repairs

We all recognize, deep in our beings, that there are certain Fundamental Truths to life. Here, for the first time, they are made available in plain language, for everyone's benefit.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Universal Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
2. Universal Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
3. Universal Law of Variation - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
4. Universal Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
5. Universal Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
6. Universal Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
7. Universal Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
8. Universal Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
9. Universal Law of Coffee - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
10. Universal Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
11. Universal Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
12. Universal Law of Try Ons - If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
13. Universal Law of Vanishing Goods - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. (this one is true every time!)
14. Universal Law of Good Health - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
15. There...don't you feel better!