How to Love Your Gay Child

Accepting that you have a gay child can be quite a difficult thing, especially if you come from a conservative background. But keep in mind that your acceptance is one of the most important things to him as he makes this self-discovery. She will be as terrified that you will disown or somehow love her less as you are unsure of how to handle this situation. But at the end of the day, you are their parent and they are your children. And nothing should ever change that.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Love, patience and understanding
• An open mind willing to understand things that may seem beyond understanding.

1. Understand that it does not matter whether homosexuality is a choice, a genetic predisposition, or the result of some childhood trauma. The one thing your child needs is your unconditional love and support.

2. Show support for your child. Distinguish between support for and endorsement of. I do not endorse homosexuality, but that does not mean I do not support and love my daughter. In the same respect, she does not support my politically conservative views, but she puts up with them because she loves me. In a world that does not always understand homosexuality and in which gays are still sometimes insulted and degraded, your child needs your support and your love. Provide a safe haven for your child in your heart and home.

3. Provide love and acceptance unconditionally. Remember that your son or daughter most likely desires your love and acceptance. Very often, unsure of how you or the rest of the world will react, your child will tend to lead a secret life, afraid of you finding out. Imagine the horror and pain of feeling forced to live a cruel lie!

4. Make it easy for both of you to broach the subject. If he or she brings it up, try not to blow up or even act surprised. Just say something like, "I appreciate your trusting me enough to share this with me. Can we talk about this, because I confess I have a few questions? Oh, and by the way, I love you dearly." Then shut up and listen.

5. Do not force the subject. Or perhaps there are some things left unsaid. Everything does not always need to be discussed and hashed out. If you know your child is gay, there is no need to point this out to your child.

6. Meet their significant other. If your child has a specific lover/friend, ask if you can meet that person. (One friend of mine, upon learning that his son was gay, joined him and about half a dozen gay friends for dinner. The next day, he told me, "I had a ball. These guys are nice fellows. And I've never seen my son so relaxed.")

7. Establish comfort zones. My daughter has always been respectful of my sensibilities. While she and her friend (who I think the world of, by the way) were comfortable and caring around me, they did not flaunt their relationship. Make it clear what bothers you and what you find okay. Once again, the key is to be able to discuss issues.

[westernmom]

on 4/10/2009 You have written about a very difficult situation in a compassionate way. Very good advice to parents. 5*

[gerrie5044]

on 3/27/2009 This is a wonderful article!! 5* and rec

[WordWhizKid]

on 3/8/2009 Great article full of useful tips! Gay teens who are shunned by their families have a much higher rate of suicide, depression and drug use. Acceptance is so important. 5*s!

[MSmith]

on 2/11/2009 "So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." John 8:7

[JRIngrisano]

on 2/11/2009 My daughter and I both agree that maybe life would be easier if she were not gay. However, I do not believe this was a choice by her. I also believe that she has the opportunity to be happier as she is rather than trying to pretend her life is good.

And, no, I am not an advocate of homosexuality. But I would fight to the death to make sure that no one treats my daughter like a second-rate person. She is a blessing and a gem.