How to Recognize Abuse in an Abusive relationship!

It may not be easy to identify abuse, especially at first. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time. For example, abuse may begin with occasional hurtful comments, jealousy or controlling behavior. As it gets worse, the abuse may become more frequent, severe or violent. As the cycle of abuse worsens, your safety or the safety of your children may be in danger.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. You may be a victim of abuse if you're in a relationship with someone who:
   
   Controls finances, so you have to ask for money
   Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you
   Acts jealous or possessive, or accuses you of being unfaithful
   Tries to control how you spend your time, who you see or talk to, where you go or what you wear
   Wants you to get permission to make everyday decisions
   Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs
   Scares you by driving recklessly
   Threatens to kill him or herself
2. You are very likely in an abusive relationship if you have a relationship with someone who does even one of the following:
   
   Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, or chokes you or threatens you with violence or a weapon
   Forces you to have sexual intercourse or engage in sexual acts against your will
   Calls you names, insults you or puts you down
   Prevents you from going to work or school
   Stops you from seeing family members and friends
   Hurts, or threatens to hurt you, your children or pets
   Destroys your property
   Controls your access to medicines
   Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it
   Says that his or her abusive behavior is no big deal or even denies doing it
   Tries to force you to drop charges
   Tries to prevent you from calling the police or seeking medical care
3. Domestic violence is part of a continuing cycle that's difficult to break. If you're in an abusive situation, you may recognize this pattern:
   
   Your abuser strikes using words or actions.
   Your abuser may beg for forgiveness, offer gifts or promise to change.
   Your abuser becomes tense, angry or depressed.
   Your abuser repeats the abusive behavior.

Tips & Warnings

• Where to find help:
• No one deserves to be abused. If you think you may be in an abusive situation, seek help or advice as soon as you safely can. There are many resources available to help you. The first step to getting out of an abusive situation may be as easy as making one phone call.
• In an emergency situation, call 911, your local emergency number or your local law enforcement agency. If you aren't in immediate danger, the following resources can help:
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE, or [phone]. Provides crisis intervention and referrals to in-state or out-of-state resources, such as women's shelters or crisis centers.
• Your doctor or hospital emergency room. Treats any injuries and refers you to safe housing and other local resources.
• Local women's shelter or crisis center. Typically provides 24-hour, emergency shelter for you and your children, advice on legal matters, advocacy and support services, and evaluation and monitoring of abusers. Some shelters have staff members who speak multiple languages.
• Counseling or mental health center. Most communities have agencies that provide individual counseling and support groups to women in abusive relationships. Be wary of advice to seek couples or marriage counseling. This isn't appropriate for resolving problems of violence in intimate relationships.
• Local court. Your district court can help you obtain a court order, which legally mandates the abuser stay away from you or face arrest. These are typically called orders for protection or restraining orders. Advocates are available in many communities to help you complete the paperwork and guide you through the court process.
• Books and online resources. Learning more about how to cope with your situation and communicating with others who understand what you're going through can help you make strong choices.