How to change a tire like a real man

If you own a car, there is a chance you will have a flat tire at sometime during the life of the car. How you react to it and how you deal with the problem will determine if you are a "real man" or not.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• 1. Automotive vehicle (we are talking about cars, trucks and vans - not bicycles or ATVs this time around).
• 2. Flat tire
• 3. Spare tire
• 4. Car jack
• 5. Tire iron
• 6. The balls to change it yourself

1. 1 You managed to drive over something that put a hole in your tire and now it is flat. Sometimes it is a small object and the leak is slow and this will usually happen on a Sunday evening so when you go to your car the next morning on your way to work you find the tire flatter than a Ferguson girl. This is typically known as "Monday".

2. 2 Find the car jack in the trunk. Most of the time manufactures will or will not have the car jack with the spare tire but they have also been known to hide them in spots where you don't normally think to look, such as the wheel well.

3. 3 Put the car jack under the proper spot on the frame. Note: if you don't know the proper spot - don't jack the car up. You can damage the body of the car and wind up with a much more expensive bill than a patch on a flat tire. Car manufacturers will normally include a diagram of where to put the jack but sometimes those diagrams are in the car's manual that you haven't seen in years. If you get to this point, it is usually known as "Monday afternoon".

4. 4 If you find the right spot to put the jack under the car, pump the jack or twist the handle until it touches the frame firmly but don't lift the car yet.

5. 5 Take hubcap off with the flat end of the tire iron - pry gently.

6. 6 Turn the tire iron over to use the end that has the hole in it that will correspond with the nuts on the tire hub. If you bought the car used, you will find that the nut size will have been changed and the tire iron doesn't fit. This is part of the "dealer service package" that car dealerships tout as part of their customer service reputation. At this point continue swearing.

7. 7 If the nut and hole thingy fit then place the bar horizontal to the ground on the nut. Step on the bar and apply steady pressure until the nut loosens. There will be no way you will be able to initially loosen the nut without stepping on the bar. You simply won't be strong enough to pry it with your arms and if you are, then say hello to your new found friends: "Mr. Skinned knuckles" which, again, is usually accompanied by "Mr. Profanity" Both of these "friends" are important distinctions in changing a tire like a real man and this entire episode should be laced with the second friend throughout the entire process. If your knuckles are skinned and bleeding - don't bandage them; just let it bleed as it will keep the dirt and grease out of your bloodstream. This is how real men deal with infection

8. 8 Just loosen the nuts, don't remove them

9. 9 Jack the car up entirely now so the flat tire is off the ground with enough clearance for the new tire.

10. 10 Loosen all the nuts and remove them and the tire.

11. 11 Put the spare on, put the nuts on finger tight

12. 12 Lower the car to the ground and tighten the nuts with the tire iron. Reverse the process you used to get the nuts off - place the tire iron horizontal and step on it to tighten the nuts down properly

13. 13 Remove the jack

14. 14 Put the flat in the car and THAT DAY take it to a garage to get it patched or replaced. Don't screw around with "oh I can do it tomorrow" and go out for beer and chicken wings with the boys. Chances are the next time you have a flat it will be in the dead of winter and you wont' even have a spare that is repaired. This is known as "Irony"

15. 15 Celebrate by arriving at work late with bloody knuckles and dirt under your fingernails. Women love this and will flock to hear the story of your "battle with the machine"

[myra63]

on 10/26/2009 Well I had to teach my Husband how to change the tire. LOL Thanks it give you 5*

[uberdoog]

on 10/25/2009 Very well done! The swearing, the scraped bleeding knuckles, the procrastination, and the dirty fingernails. Oh, and yes, MONDAY MORNING!

There is one important thing you missed out on though: placing chucks or rocks on the wheels on the other side of the car to prevent inadvertent rolling. Otherwise, a fun read!

[CraigH]

on 11/16/2008 Check out my article on "how to change a tire like a real woman" - it is just down the page.

Thanks for the compliments!

[MasterJames]

on 11/16/2008 Though this article IS informative and quite accurate, some people of the female gender may take offense to the title of this article.
I personally know that females have the ability to do most anything that a guy can do; wheather they choose to or not is another matter.
Other than that, you did a good job at writting this.