How to Kill Your Dog

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Step 1

DON'T VACCINATE: Many potentially deadly canine diseases are easily prevented by proper vaccination. One biggie that comes to mind is the hideous parvovirus. (see resource links below this article for a link to the articles I've done to cover parvo and vaccinations)
Step 2

TAKE UN-VACCINATED PUPPIES TO AREAS FREQUENTED BY OTHER DOGS: Again, parvo lurks in these areas but so do other diseases such as kennel cough, giardia, leptospirosis, etc. Rest areas and dog parks are two very definite no-no's if you don't want to kill your un-vaccinated dog.
Step 3

Bull Mastiff - fenced in yard

DON'T FENCE IN YOUR YARD: As a breeder, I get asked all the time if my breed requires a fenced in yard. Doh! All dogs do. If they can walk to the road, they can get hit and killed. Easy as that!
Step 4

freefoto.com

GIVE CHOCOLATE: Another great way to potentially kill your dog is to give them some yummy chocolate treats. Chocolate contains theobromine which is toxic to ALL dogs. However, the size of your dog, amount of chocolate ingested and the type of chocolate play a role in how toxic a dose your dog consumes. There is no antidote.
Step 5

DECK THE HALLS WITH POINSETTIAS: Decorate your home with those beautiful poinsettia plants at Christmas time. A few munches of this stuff is deadly toxic as are many, many houseplants. Before adding a new plant to your home, check to see if they are poisonous to dear Fido.
Step 6

DON'T USE FLEA CONTROL, WORMER or any other parasite protection. Your dog can then suffer allergic reactions, tapeworms, and other assorted nasties you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy let alone your best friend.
Step 7

newborn cavalier king charles spaniel puppy

ALLOW YOUR DOG TO GIVE BIRTH WITHOUT ASSISTING HER: I'm sick to death of people telling me that their dogs are better off not being stressed out by their presence during the birthing process, etc. A stuck puppy, a retained placenta, extended labor.. so many things can spell death for your dog during this important time. If you didn't spay her and you allowed the breeding, you need to assume responsibility for being there for her. And it isn't just her, there are WAY too many things that can kill those innocent puppies you allowed or asked to come into this world. Be there to protect them.
Step 8

TIE YOUR DOG UP: Especially if it's inside a truck or near a short fence where they can hang themselves. Or maybe tie them up where there is no shade. C'mon folks, start using common sense here! When you adopted Fido, you took a vow to watch out for him, not watch him suffer. I'm not against proper restraint of your pet to ensure his safety and well being but use common sense when deciding the when and where's of it all...
Step 9

Dog victim of dog fight

GO ONLINE FOR DOG EMERGENCIES INSTEAD OF 'WASTING' MONEY AT THE VET'S OFFICE: I'm sorry, I had to add this. This is one of my biggest pet peeves ever. Don't call on strangers who are online in an emergency situation. Call your vet! Even if the office is closed, they have answering services that will get a hold of them so they can call you back.
Step 10

FEED YOUR DOG ONCE A DAY AND AFTER GORGING THEMSELVES, LET THEM OUT TO PLAY HARD: Doing this can cause bloat quite easily in any breeds but those with deep chests are at largest risk. Bloat happens very quickly and to die from it is incredibly painful. If your quick enough, an expensive surgery can repair the twisted gut that causes bloat but even then, they only have 50/50 chance of survival. Feed your dog 2-3 small meals during the day instead. And/or perhaps do things that will slow down the speed in which they gulp their food.
Step 11

PUT OUT POISONS TO GET RID OF RODENTS: If your not considerate of the fact that you have a dog or other pets, putting out decon and other chemical based poisons could very well kill that furry beast you claim is your best friend. Try using natural pest control products instead. **see links below
Step 12

LEAVE ANTIFREEZE WITHIN LICKING DISTANCE: Antifreeze smells and tastes yummy to dogs, cats and other animals yet it is highly toxic. The ethylene glycol that is used in antifreeze is the poisonous ingredient. 1 teaspoon can kill a small cat and 1 ounce can kill a 15 pound dog.
Step 13

Jack Russell Terrier with Tennis Ball

GIVE CHOKE SIZED TOYS: If you give your dog a toy that is of a size that can be swallowed or that has parts that can be chewed off and eaten (plastic eyes, noses, or even beans inside) you are handing your dog a death wish. Even Oprah's pampered dog died because of a small plastic ball. Be very cautious when offering toys and treats.

Comments

rainslaide said

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on 5/8/2009 Thanks for the tip, I'll get it started on my boxer today

showpup said

on 2/15/2009 asdgfdser - That's funny. Maybe you should read the article. ;-)

on 2/14/2009 What the freak!? This is so stupid. Why would you want to kill you'r dog?! That is practically animal abuse. Why would you want you'r animal to suffer unnessasarily?! There is no need to do that. If you don't want you'r dog, give it away! This is ungodly. >.>

on 11/8/2008 Bogloghod - Actually, that is not true. I have given dogs asprin, under advisement of a veterinarian and know many people who do. Additionally, asprin is often recommended (baby asprin) to calm a dog before nail trimming, etc.