How to Become a Good Listener on the Phone

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You realize that you just had a conversation with your friend and you did most of the talking. Wait! You did all of the talking.

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Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

A Phone
A Friend

Step1

LET HER TALK-Your friend calls you and wants to share a recent problem she is having with her husband, children, work, etc. After about 5 minutes of hearing her talking about this problem, you decide that you want to offer her advice. In the midst of her speech, you say, listen, I think you should......... This is usually the wrong approach because most people who call their friends for therapy do not need or want advice right away.

Step2

ASK A QUESTION-Once she finishes with her speech, pause about 2 seconds and ask a question about the situation. The question should be relavent and should not be judgemental in nature. Also, do not criticize her or tell her anything negative at this point. In addition to that, do not change the subject. She is on the phone with you for therapy about a specific problem and wants to make sure you care.

Step3

GIVE HER ADVICE-Once she answers your question with more details, it's time to put your two cents in. Without being judgemental whatsoever, tell her that you understand her problem and will research it further. In the meantime, you think she should....... If she does not agree with you, say that you understand and it is simply your opinion. You feel she is a wonderful friend and can give you her honest opinion when you are in need as well. Tell her that you will speak with your family/friends about a situation similar to hers of course without using her name. Wish her good luck, and say that you will call her later on in the day, tomorrow, later in the week, or "shortly." Follow up on your promise.

Tips & Warnings

Never criticize her for her actions.
Give her honest advice only after she lays EVERYTHING on the table.
Let her do 80-90 percent of the talking. That's what she called you for.
Never say that you are busy or cannot talk.
If you cannot talk, simply do not answer the phone, let it go to voicemail, and call her when you can talk.