How to handle your spouse/partner getting run over by a mini-van

You're on your way home from work, contemplating where to go for dinner. Shall it be fancy, LIke TAco Bell, or just a sandwich from the local Deli? Suddenly you nearly run over an endangered baby owl in the middle of the road. What to do? What to do? Your partner begs you to turn the car around and save this endangered species. So you do. You get out in the rain, and go to rescue the owl. Unbeknownst to you, is over-burdened housewife in late model mini-van. Van meets your partner. Blam! Smash! Crunch! What to do? How do you handle it when your spouse is hit suddenly, the bread winner, the sunshine of your..okay you get it. Follow my steps and hopefully they'll take you through this ordeal and you'll both come out singing.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Present to keep a cool mind - do not panic
• speed dial police
• cover injured for shock
• track down other driver, get insurance information
• speed dial accident attorney
• a flask of brandy
• soduko to keep you busy while you wait for the ambulance
• a big friend
• check out my site: www.richardsmiraldi.tv

1. Stop crying. Check to see if your partner is still breathing. Call police. Instruct frantic housewife not to motor away or you will track her down and kill her and her little dog too.
2. Ride to hospital in ambulance/helicopter/rickshaw with spouse/partner. If she wakes during the ride, tell her, "no we're not going to disney world, and honey, everything is gonna be alright. Really. They're looking for your hand now." Seriously, the idea is to keep them as calm as possible and not to argue how stupid it was that they stopped to save an owl or how you don't really know whether or not the owl survived. The fact that you'll be barbecuing the owl later is of little signifigance.
3. When you get to the hospital, be aware of all pertinent information, such as what kind of drugs they are taking, any allergies, what kind of insurance the other person had and hope to God that they take it. While you are waiting in the waiting room, you might consult your family attorney. Photographs can be oh so helpful to any case. You might also feign concern for the woman who ran your partner over.
4. Keep everything going. The last thing your spouse needs to worry about is the kids, the pets, the house. Get help from friends and family if you can. If your partner ran the family business you might have to ellicit help from family and friends to keep the place going. Keep a stiff upper lip and lend them all the support you can. And hopefully,in no time at all they'll be back on their own two feet.
5. Don't let them know how you're really feeling. It never helps a person in the hospital if you "lose" it. Tell them everything is alright. Hopefully they'll be so drugged up they won't really know how upset you are. On the bright side, if there is a bright side, you may actually end up with a big fat insurance check to cover all of this...even though no amount of money in the world is ever worth getting hit by a car for.

Tips & Warnings

• Pray,meditate, it helps
• Keep the faith
• Talk to everyone you know, your friends, family, pastor, rabbi, guru
• Get counseling if you need it
• Avoid negative thoughts
• Prepare for the worst,hope for the best
• Don't spend the insurance check before you get it, it could take awhile
• Don't turn to drugs and alcohol to cope, call a friend or a help line
• Try not to harbor anger towards the other driver, remember it was an accident and they'll be sending you on a long trip to Honolulu shortly
• Your partner is probably coming back, so don't change too many things about the house. Don't sell their favorite motorcycle while they're gone or throw out that ratty old sweatshirt in their closet, etc. You can't rely on the drugs making them think that they just forgot those things were gone.
• Don't bear the burden alone. It can eat you up. Even if you have no friends or family where you are, reach out to somebody and get some support.