How to Write Your Mother's Obituary

You will learn from a professional journalist, not only how to write your mom's obit, but the most appropriate publications for it to appear, how to add life and a sense of celebration, and how best to honor your mom with sounding overly sentimental or exaggerating.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Always start with an outline based on the true turning points in your Knock off the obvious first: birth date, location, education, marriage, kids, extended family, life-long interests, work history and careers. etc, chronologically, but the obit itself does not need to be chronological too. More importantly, the outline should include your fondest memories, family milestones that brought the family closer to each other, your mom's personality -even if quirky "she had a temper, but usually over important matters" -this way her positive attributes have much more credibility. the outline should also list the most important people in her life. not just friends and family but influences from literature, art and spirituality. finally, list her most passionate interests and don't diminish their value by calling them "hobbies." A life long passion for birdwatching is just that.
2. take a look at the outline and see what pops out at you as the most gcompelling information. Your leadparagraph will have to include most of the "obvious" or most obit editors will put it on top anyway. But your lead SENTENCE can be a one line stunner: "My mom loved Mozart so much she told my dad he was lucky Mozart wasn't alive or she would have married him." Then proceed with theother points in the outline! What will spice up an otherwise dreary obit is some quotes -her favroite ones. And some of the funniest and most profound observations. Reflect on this in a calm mood, nothing off the top of your head. Consider this the first draft, but go over it with your spouse and other family members to see if they think you left somethings out.
3. Call everyone you can think of who had a special relationship with your mom -not just relatives or the funeral guest list. Get quotes from them on the same matters you quote her about, or what strikes them as her essential self. You can "sprinkle" these quotes throughout the obit and make it a much more rounded piece than your single voice. Then find the old family diaries, letters, photo albums etc, and choose those that enhance the material allready written. If it's a picture, choose one where she is having fun. That is how she would like to be remembered, wouldn't you?

Tips & Warnings

• Try to gather information that evokes her character and values; not just the usual accomplishemnts -college degrees, career prompotions etc, but acts of courage and selfless service to others. Reflect on how her most positive influences, influenced you to grow uo to be the person you are. We are all a "multiplicity of selves some higher, lower, patient, angry, loving even hating. they all make up your charaxcter. Find examples of the highest selves in action and how she trancended the lower ones.
• Unless your mom was a public figure or "famous locally or nationally, you must decide which publication to send it to. Start with your local paper, then any publication from your church or house of worship, then a larger mainstream paper with regional statewide circulation. Be sure to see hpow much space they give to their obits, and the general presentation of them. Some papers due to advetising pressure for space, cut your obit to shreds. Be sure to ask the editor what the word limit is.
• Remembwer: Everything you have written based on this outline (and the outline itself is just a FIRST DRAFT. The more people you trust who look it over and the more re-writes, the richer and more nuanced a story. Make sure it is published in a reputable paper known for its accuracy and credibilty. If your local paper has a small circulation, don't limit it to that; Find a regional publication. Most newspapers susupend their rules about so-called "simultaneous submissions so you don't have to worry it will be "rejected" if it is sent to more than one. Check your facts at least 5 times!