How to Face a Cheating Husband the Other Woman Without Losing Him

Facing a cheating husband and the other woman without losing him is a very challenging situation. There are many issues to consider, especially if your husband truly wants to get out of the marriage. It is best to take your time and develop a plan of action.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Courage
• Patience
• Understanding

1. The first step is to gage and face your own feelings about your husband's infidelity. Write down your emotions and feelings. Make a true determination as to why you want the marriage to continue. Ask yourself if you truly love your husband or are you trying to hang on to the marriage for the wrong reasons. Are you afraid to be alone or be single? or do you feel that you want the marriage to continue for financial security, or do you feel that it is best for the children that you stay together? Once you have acknowledged your feelings and made a determination that you want the marriage to continue because you love your husband and you believe that he loves you, then it is time to face him.
2. Write down to yourself, what you know about your husband's infidelity. How long have you known about it? Has he been very careful about keeping his infidelity a secret or is it obvious to you and others that he is having an affair? Is his infidelity with just one woman or with several? Is it with women or a woman that you know or someone he works with? These questions and the answers to these questions are very important. It shows the level of respect that your husband has for you and your marriage. If he is cheating with several women he may have a sex addiction. If he is with one particular woman, and has been with this woman for a certain period of time he may be in love with her. If the affair has been carefully hidden away from you, this may be a sign that he knows he made a mistake and is trying hard to keep you from finding out so that you will not be hurt. Work place affairs are common with men in authority positions who spend a lot of time working side by side with an attractive woman. It may be that temptation was too strong and this was a one time affair. Have you all been having ongoing marital problems and he is using the other woman for solace or escape? Have you been lacking quality time together? Were you married too young and your husband never had a chance to really be with other women? If you don't know the answer to these questions you need to address it with your husband.
3. If the woman that he is having an affair with is someone that you know, do not confront her until you have first faced your husband. Do not confront them at the same time. First speak with your husband in a private comfortable atmosphere where you both have time to talk. Be calm and remain open.
4. Start the discussion by telling your husband that you love him and that you want the marriage to work. Let him know that you have become aware that he has been having an affair. At this time he may either try to deny it or try to make explanations, or possibly not want to talk at all. Let him say what he feels he needs to say without interrupting. If he denies it, let him know that you understand that it is very hard to be truthful under the circumstances but you know for a fact that the infidelity has occurred and you are ready to deal with the issue so that you can began to work and deal with whatever problems that are making him feel the need to have an affair. Listen to his explanations and then ask him if he wants the marriage to continue and whether or not he loves the person he is having an affair with. Ask him if he truly loves you? At this time be prepared to hear his response.
5. If he wants the marriage to continue, hug him, tell him you forgive him but that you want to go into marriage counseling so that you can learn to heal emotionally and have a marriage free of infidelity. If he says he loves the other woman and does not want to continue the marriage, remind him and have a list of all the positive things that you have in your marriage. Ask him if he truly "loves" the other woman or has he confused love with "infatuation" or depending on his age he maybe going through a midlife crisis. Let him know that he should not want to throw the marriage away based on false love or an affair that is a passing fling. Tell him that you want him to think long and hard about the marriage before he ends it. He needs to evaluate the affair and the marriage and determine what it is that he feels so strongly about that he is willing to give up his marriage. He should be able to tell you exactly why he wants the marriage to end or continue, other than professing his love for another woman. If he continues to say that he wants to be with another woman, then at this point you have to learn to let him go on. Either way, you cannot force someone to be with you who does not want to be with you. But you can let your husband know that you are willing to work to make the marriage better and he may then make a decision to work with you on making the marriage better and give up the affair.
6. If your husband decides that he wants to stay in the marriage, you both should meet with the woman he has been having an affair with. Your husband should take the lead in letting her know that he is ending the affair with her. If she is someone you know, make sure you put your feelings in check and do not get emotional and argumentive. Let her know that you feel betrayed and hurt by her actions and would appreciate that from now on, she respect your marriage and should not try to continue the affair. If the woman is someone you do not know and your husband refuses to meet her with you present, make sure you write her a letter or communicate with her on your own by the phone. She may not know that your husband is married, as he could have lied to her about his marital situation.

Tips & Warnings

• Look into your husband's family beliefs on infidelity. Many families were raised to believe that "a man will be a man" and that the wife should learn to accept her husband's infidelity as a way of life. Or if your husband grew up watching his father cheat on his mother all the time, he may be repeating a dysfunctional pattern. If this is the case your husband may believe that it is okay to cheat and what you don't know won't hurt you.
• Do not confront the other woman if she is argumentative and hostile
• If your husband refuses to stop having the affair do not continue to keep forgiving his infidelity. Instead go seek counseling on how to let go of an unhealthy relationship
• If your husband refuses to talk with you, do not force him, instead schedule another time with him in the near future so that you can discuss the issue at a time that he is ready to talk.
• If he keeps avoiding it and there is never a good time to talk, this may be a sign that he has a problem with communicating with you. Write him a letter or figure out another way to communicate with him.