How to Deal with a Cheating Husband

You've found out your husband is cheating and you're upset, furious, and hurt. You want to confront him, but you're not ready to give up on the relationship completely and walk away. If possible, you want to work through it. If that sounds familiar, read on for tips on how to confront your husband and the other woman and hopefully come to a solution that works for everyone.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Evidence of the affair
• A supportive friend or family member to listen and support you while you work through your feelings
• A marriage counselor
• Patience
• An outlet for the anger you are undoubtedly feeling

1. Spend a good deal of time figuring out the criteria necessary for you to stick around and try to salvage this relationship. Realize it may NOT be salvageable, and determine what your criteria for calling it quits will be. Things to consider: Is he in love with the other woman? How long has the affair been going on? Have there been others? Does he want to be faithful and remain married?
2. Allow yourself to get angry and figure out a way to vent your rage and frustration. Some women find exercise to be an excellent outlet, while others take a long drive and scream at the top of their lungs. Imagine what you would say to the other woman if you had a chance to confront her. Role play with a close girlfriend who will act the part of the other woman. Get it all out of your system now; you will need to be calm and rational when you confront your spouse.
3. When you do confront your partner, decide if you wish to confront him alone or with his mistress. Whatever you decide, you must remain calm, collected and civil during this confrontation. This will be extremely difficult. It's alright to express feelings of sadness, disappointment, and frustration - but keep a cool head.
4. Allow your husband to explain himself. You know there is no excuse, but he will try to justify his behavior regardless. Do not be surprised if the cheating couple denies their relationship or lies about it. This is where any evidence you've been able to gather comes into play - if you have proof of the affair, this step will hopefully be over quickly.
5. See a marriage counselor. The two of you cannot do this alone. Research shows that at the end of couple's therapy, 75% of couples receiving therapy report higher satisfaction and relationship success than do similar couples who did not receive therapy. An objective third-party will help you both see the situation from a different perspective.
6. Stay true to yourself. Remember the criteria you defined in Step 1 and stick to it. Never forget that you deserve to be treated well and loved well. If your husband cannot give you these things, then you must move on, as difficult as it may be.

Tips & Warnings

• If you have children, you will most likely be dealing with your partner for a long time even if you are unable to make the marriage work. Never involve your children in your marital problems and NEVER pit your children against your spouse, no matter how angry you are.
• Do not resort to name-calling or violence. Remember you may end up in court at some point and anything you do from here on out may impact any future litagation.