How to Poop

Do you not know how to poop? Here are some methods to ease the pain as it goes down the drain.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Toilet
• Toilet paper
• A full rectum full of feces
• Vasoline
• Air freshener

1. Once you feel like the feces will come out of your rectum, head to the nearest toilet.
2. Take your pants and underwear off and sit down on the toilet seat.
3. Here is where it varies. If it is diarrhea, then the feces should come out relatively quickly once you sit down on the seat. However, if you are slightly constipated, then you may need to push. This is instinct. Try to push the feces out as hard as you can. Hold your breath and push like a woman having a baby. As you do this, the feces should start filing out of the bottom of your rectum.
4. For precautionary measure, flush, so you do not clog the toilet. Now you can take the toilet paper and wipe your anus. Once your anus is clean of klingons, you are ready to go.
5. If your anus feels very rough and stings, then you should apply some vasoline to the injured area of your rectum. This will make your anus feel better.
6. If the bathroom smells, light some matches or spray some air freshener.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't clog the toilet! Poop, wipe, poop, wipe.
• If you have trouble pooping, either call your doctor, or take a laxative.
• If you cannot get anything out of your rectum, and you feel that there is feces there, call your doctor.