How to Learn Something From Every Man or Woman you Date

I could subtitle this article: There are No Bad Dates and What I Learned from Them. That's because whether it’s Internet dating or IRL (in real life) dating, you’re not *wasting your time* if there’s no connection. Every meet brings you closer to finding someone you can relax and be yourself with, in part because with experience, you learn to be humble. After all, no one’s perfect, so shorten your “must have” list and curb your expectations. It’s all about dropping the agenda and having fun. Here are a few examples of Bad Dates and how to deal with them.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• A sense of adventure
• A sense of humor
• A sense of the absurd
• Common sense
• A sense of what looks good on you

1. The Date Who Talks About Past Relationships on the First Meet:
   
   He should have been a therapist, bent as he is on analyzing the heck out of why his last four liaisons—including two divorces—imploded. Pretty much every conversation revolves around what went wrong and how it went wrong. “I’m an enabler,” he’ll remark. “I choose needy women. I want to break that pattern.” He is sincere. You try to change the subject, but he can relate his last girlfriend’s unhealthy penchant for greasy Tex Mex to the carnage scene in the movie No Country for Old Men. Mention the recent winery you visited? He launches into her daily three-plus glasses-of-wine habit. Your dog? He talks about her cat. Because this type of man has a pattern of jumping into relationships, he’s unpracticed in the part of dating that involves going on actual dates. He’s not used to activities. He has excuses for sitting around eating a meal and talking things to death. Beware. He wants the Instant Relationship. Ideally the hanging out phase would begin tomorrow, even though he knows from experience that he needs to take everything slowly.
   
   How to deal: Unless you’re strongly attracted and can recognize strengths beyond the psycho-blabbing, it will be difficult to get to know this man in the present. Give it three or four dates before you make a decision. Oh, and watch how you hold your fork; every angle has a hidden psychological meaning.
2. The Date Who Hasn’t Had a Relationship in Ten Years or More:
   
   Don’t even think lifestyle with this guy (or woman)—he doesn’t have a life. Be careful. This could be a case of the date trying to glom onto your life, especially if you’re high-energy and your passion is out there along with your zesty spirit. Listen carefully. These folks are expert rationalizers, often chintzy with the real information, the hard stuff that would allow you to form a true picture of the man or woman. You’ll need to read not only between the lines, but between paragraphs as well. Someone who’s been fearful of the open market for so long surely has issues to hide. What’s not in hiding? An adventurous spirit. It ain’t there, honey.
   
   How to deal: If you’re the energetic, goal-oriented type who wants a stimulating partner, you basically need to do a total personality and character makeover on this date. In truth, there is little chance you’ll relate to someone who’s just dropped into life after a long sojourn in Plantsville. Get another man. Get another woman This type may suit a low-key personality who’s happy to have a companion who adores.
3. The Date Who Wears a Waist Pack, White Sneakers, Mother Jeans, long skirts, Birkenstocks, or has the Comb-Over:
   
   These are good guys/women with little pizzazz. They fail to impress, especially on a first meet. Often overlooked and ignored, they come in interesting packages of various sizes, from skinny to lumpy, balding to scruffy, short and tall. Their degree of cluelessness is as vast as the menu choices at your local diner. The examples in the header (waist pack, etc.), are simply an idea of the silliness that leads women (and men) to cross them off The List. Unless you’re a Susan Sarandon or a Richard Gere clone, to name two famous people who are aging well (and photographed in excellent lighting conditions), consider your imperfections alongside theirs. Remember, the waist pack comes off.
   
   How to deal: Give ‘em a chance. Give ‘em several chances. Relax, turn on to the moment, find the hidden sexuality in this guy/woman. You may discover a wit who’s smart, kind, and just plain fun under those droopy cords and those white sneakers. These folks usually fit into either the category of being ready for the make-over or stubbornly take-me-as-I-am. Don’t push the make-over prematurely.
4. The Date Who Doesn’t Open Your Car Door or Who Never Thanks You:
   
   This one is a real puzzler, especially since these are little politenesses that should never become issues. A smile and a thank you are normally all you need do to put the hint out there. (Other than sitting in the car until he’s halfway down the block before he realizes you’re not with him.) After all, he’s not daft enough to think you’re incapable of performing those acts. That’s not the point. These are gestures that demonstrate you are special. So if he’s not offering, even after you’ve gone out a few times, you’ll have to wonder what he’s trying to prove. And if she never thanks you, you’re thinking it’s too early to be taken for granted. You’re not married yet.
   
   How to deal: If she/he’s wonderful in other ways, let it go. Otherwise it could be that this is not a very thoughtful person in general. Or not very thoughtful when it comes to you. Yuk. Move on.
5. The Date Who Doesn’t Like You:
   
   Yup. It happens. Just like in the fourth grade. She looks as if that foul odor is issuing from you, even though you’ve just climbed out of the tub. His face reads: I’ve been cheated because he expected a woman with a wasp waist and stiletto heels. Yes, you’ve just met someone who can’t hide disappointment. Not much fun when things don’t go their way. Imagine living with this person.
   
   How to deal: Face it, you’re on The Painful Date. Depending on your level of confidence and how much experience you have extricating yourself seamlessly from such situations, do the best you can to leave. Soon. Don’t sink to their level of tacky.

Tips & Warnings

• Attitude is everything. You'll shine with your positive one.
• Keep it light. No matter the awkwardness,light always works.
• Give yourself credit for having the guts to get out there.
• Have fun!
• Remember that the way you treat other people is directly related to how you feel about yourself.