How to Face a Cheating Husband the Other Woman Without Losing Him

Infidelity doesn't need to be the end of your relationship. Many men have affairs that are not unhappy with their wife, (seldom do women drive their husbands to cheat). Confrontation about his affair does not mean that you will loose your husband. The fact that he kept the affair secret may be because he does not want to end his marriage, get a divorce or change his homelife. This may be more about communications, honesty, his insecurities and relationship building skills, than his unhappiness with you.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• A marriage councelor or clergy.
• A willingness to try and forgive your husband.
• A committment by your husband to counselling, fidelity and open communications in your relationship.

1. Awareness:
   
   Infidelity is not just the issue of having sex with another person outside your marriage. Infidelity involves a break in trust, disloyalty, dishonesty, secrets and the possible exposure of both of you to sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). (If you know for a fact that your spouse has had sexual relations with another person you should be checked by your physician and have a blood test to be certain.)
2. Counselling:
   
   I would recommend that the first thing you do is talk to your clergy or a marriage counsellor about the situation. They can help you follow a course of action and decide what is the best approach in talking to your spouse, what options you may have, and possible consequences. Counselling may help you and your spouse resolve the real root issues that led to the infidelity. They will also help you and your spouse work on strategies to save your relationship and marriage.
3. Confrontation:
   
   (Most married men do not leave their wife for a lover. If they leave it will be for incapability, financial reasons, unhappiness or other reasons. Seldom is it for sex.)
   
   First, you must ask yourself what you want? Do you want to stay in the relationship? Do you have real evidence of infidelity or are you going on innuendos? Either way you need to meet with him, one on one, and discuss the issue. You should be honest, tell him what you think or know and tell him how this makes you feel. Also tell him what you want out of the relationship, and what your expectations in the future are.
   If he is honest with you, then you should both go see a professional counsellor, who will help you learn to be a couple again, build trust and save your marriage.
4. Outcomes:
   
   There is no guarantee that confronting your spouse about infidelity will stop his being unfaithful. However, marriage is about love, communication, friendship and trust. All of us go through periods in our life where we feel less than adequate, unloved, insecure, or do stupid mistakes in life. Confrontation is the only way to discuss this with your spouse and make an attempt to resolve the situation and save your relationship.
   
   You also run the risk of your spouse leaving. However, relationships grow on mutual experiences, honesty, openness, love and friendship. Secrets, dishonesty and infidelity will not go away unless they are addressed. Your spouse should be treated as your best friend, and you would tell a friend if you thought they had betrayed you.

Tips & Warnings

• Seek professional marriage counselling.
• Follow the advice of a professional marriage counsellor and/or trained clergy.
• Confront your spouse and express your concerns, how you feel and what you want out of the relationship.
• Let your spouse know you are trying to save your relationship.
• Confronting your spouse about infidelity may not save your marriage, but not confronting him may end your marriage anyway.
• Saving your marriage takes a commitment from both you and your spouse.