How to Write Your Mother's Obituary

If you ask 100 people how they would write the obituaries for their mothers, you would get 100 different answers. The relationship you have with your mother is unique, and so will the obituary you write be unique. What follows are my thoughts on what you might do or consider as you write an obituary for your mother.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Time
• Paper and pen or pencil, or a word processor if you think better that way
• Photographs or other items that help you remember your life together

1. Set yourself some time to be quiet, without interruption, as you begin this writing process. Turn off your cell phone, turn off any alerts on the computer for e-mail or calendar reminders. Sit in a comfortable place, and just take your time as you look through photographs, or home movies, recipes or scrapbooks. Give yourself time to simply remember and reflect on your mother, and what she meant to you. You will probably cry or laugh, or both, during this time.
2. Begin to pull out the memories or impressions about your mom that stand out the most for you. If you want to start writing down ideas about what you want to be sure to mention, do that now. Jot down your ideas in just a few words, enough to jog the memory or impression again when you come back to it.
3. Think about your mom's life ~ did she have a career outside of raising her family? Was she involved in neighborhood committees or volunteering or other community activities? Was she active in her religious expression and congregation?
4. Of your personal memories, look over your ideas and pick out one or two that seem to represent the essence of your mother, to you, the best. This is a uniquely personal experience, but these few ideas will help you show to others who you saw when you thought of "Mom." It could be something from childhood or from recent years. Allow yourself to share your relationship with your mother with others.
5. Begin to write. Remember the advice that you can't edit anything until you write something, so at this point you just want to write. Don't worry about spelling or grammar right now, just let the ideas flow, as if you were talking to someone.
6. As you write your rough draft, you may want to organize your thoughts into, for example, the personal memory or two as one section, your mother's work and community involvement in another section. Add family members at the end, any of your mother's surviving relatives including parents, siblings, children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. You may only want to list the number of these people, depending on how many there are.
7. If you have time, put your rough draft away and leave it for a day or two. If that is not possible, at least put it down and leave it for several hours. You need to allow your mind to relax and be occupied with other things for awhile.
8. Come back to your rough draft, and now rewrite it. Begin with your personal memory that tells others something about who your mother was to you, her child. Continue with a narrative of her accomplishments and involvement in the community, then end by including who she is survived by. Check for spelling and grammar, and if you like, ask someone else to read it for clarity.

Tips & Warnings

• Writing the obituary is probably one of the hardest things you will do, but this can also be a time of healing as you mourn your mother's passing.
• If it helps you to spend your time going through memories about your mother with someone else, such as a sibling or other close family member, by all means do that.
• Try not to let the list of your mother's accomplishments sound like a resume. Let the writing flow naturally, as if you were telling someone about her rather than writing it down.
• Don't be afraid to keep your "voice" in your writing. She was your mother, so it's alright to make this personal.