How to Know if You Have Found Your True Love
In the midst of a relationship, you may question if it is true love or something else. Definitions for love vary, but psychologist Eric Fromm declared that love is more than a feeling; it requires knowing each other as much as possible and making judgments and decisions. Summit Medical Group describes real love as a caring relationship that allows makes you feel good and feel free to be yourself. Psychologist and television personality Diana Kirschner equates true love with a lasting healthy relationship you work to build. Following those ideas, one definition of true love means a relationship based on healthy love between two people. Evaluating the relationship provides some insights into what the person means to you, how being together makes you feel, and whether the relationship fills the meaning of true love.
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Instructions
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Write down the factors related to "true love," such as those suggested by psychologist Carol Joy including trust, acceptance of each other, commitment and feeling safe with the person both emotionally and physically. Decide if your relationship contains those feelings or if the potential to develop them exists.
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Make a list of behaviors and types of communication that help maintain a healthy loving relationship. These include the ability to disagree without anger, negotiate compromises, enjoy participating in activities together, put in effort to make time for each other and engage in activities with friends and family without the partner, according to Sam Houston State University Counseling Center materials. Evaluate if the things you do in the relationship involve those actions.
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Consider the intimacy level of the relationship, which, according to the University of Florida Counseling and Wellness Center, includes factors such as the ability to share personal feelings, talk about your goals, empathize with each other's feelings and discuss fears or concerns.
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Evaluate whether being with the person makes you feel good about yourself, a critical part to a healthy, loving relationship. Decide if the relationship results in happy feelings most of the time. Appraise your ability to be yourself with the person or if you pretend to please her.
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Look for elements of an unhealthy relationship. They include feeling dependent on the other person, physical or verbal abuse, and sexual coercion, according to the Sam Houston State University Counseling Center. Appraise characteristics that signal that true love is not the basis for the relationship, including one partner controlling the other, jealousy, intimidation, fear and lack of trust, according to Upstate Medical University. Walk away from any relationship that contains abuse and fear.
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Talk to your partner about how he feels about the relationship if you determine you love him. Talk about your goals, values and possible future together to determine if she shares your desire to develop a permanent relationship. Discuss the ways to strengthen your relationship or work on any areas causing unsure feelings.
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Tips & Warnings
Give a relationship time to develop before evaluating for true love.
Avoid evaluating a relationship during stressful times or holidays to minimize emotional conflicts and outside influences.
References
- Upstate Medical University: Healthy Love Relationships and Teens
- Sam Houston State University Counseling Center: Love and Relationships
- University of Florida Counseling and Wellness Center: Types of Intimacy
- Miami University: Erich Fromm - The Art of Loving
- Summit Medical Group: Healthy Love Relationships and Teens
- Psychology Today; Finding True Love; Diana Kirschner; June 2009
Resources
- Read this Article in Spanish
- University of Texas at Austin Counseling and Mental Health Center: Building a Healthy Relationship
- University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill; Relationship Skills; Dan Darnell; 2001
- Centers for Disease Control: FastStats - Marriage and Divorce
- American Psychological Association: Nine Psychological Tasks for a Good Marriage
- Photo Credit Thinkstock/Comstock/Getty Images
