How to Decide Whether to Forgive a Guy

If your boyfriend has done something hurtful and inconsiderate, his actions may be difficult to forget. Analyze your feelings about your past, present and future together to decide if you can forgive him, stay together and let your relationship progress.

Instructions

1. Spend time alone to evaluate the situation. Tell your boyfriend you'd like to sort out your feelings without seeing or talking to him. If he's truly sorry, he'll give you all the time you need.

2. Decide if you can forget his actions over time. You may be angry now, but perhaps the situation will seem less significant in a few months. If you can't let go of your hurt or put negative thoughts behind you, however, the resentment will haunt the entire relationship.

3. Determine if his apology is sincere or if he's just telling you what you want to hear. Trust your instincts as you listen to him tell you that he understands how much he's hurt you and that he'll never do it again.

4. Look for a pattern. A single mistake may be easy to forgive, but if your guy has lied or cheated on you before, for example, this may be more of a character flaw than a lapse in judgment. Decide if you're willing to take the chance and potentially face more heartbreak.

5. Discuss the situation with your family and close friends. They know you well, have your best interests at heart and have a more objective opinion of your boyfriend. Tell them the things that you love about him so they're not basing their entire opinion on this incident.

6. Ease back into the relationship if you decide to give him another chance. Let him go if he isn't sticking to his promises or making a real effort to change. Also consider ending it if you find yourself reliving the situation, continually seeking ways to get revenge or pushing him away emotionally.

Tips & Warnings

• Watch for dangerous warning signals, even if his apologies seem sincere. If he shows signs of abusiveness or infidelity at the beginning of the relationship, for example, his ability to control those urges may lessen over time.