How to Befriend Someone You've Always Been Alienated From

When you start off on the wrong foot with someone, it can oftentimes be difficult to turn that relationship around. It's not impossible, however, so follow a few friendly tips to put your relationship on the right path.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• A peace offering (i.e., cookies, a party invite, tools they can borrow, etc.)

1. Evaluate why you two have been alienated to begin with.

2. Evaluate why you want to repair the relationship now and how the other person may react to this news.

3. Find a few things that you two have in common. Begin your dialogue by bringing up one of these topics to get the conversation rolling.

4. Ask the person some questions about one of your common ground topics to let her know that you're interested in her point of view.

5. Try to glean a few other commonalities from the likes and dislikes that she's expressing.

6. Keep the conversation going as long as it occurs naturally. When there is a lull in the conversation, mention something about how you much you guys have in common or how interesting her hobbies sound.

7. Apologize for not getting to know her sooner or for keeping your distance from her for whatever reason you did. If it feels appropriate, you can mention any reasons you may have had for doing so, saying something like, "I know we've never been very close, and I feel like that's my fault. I think I judged you without really getting to know you and I'm sorry for that. It was inappropriate and ignorant on my part, but I'd really like it if we could start over now."

Tips & Warnings

• Though it's great to offer up apologies, compliments and interest in another person, only offer these things up if you mean them. Otherwise they may come off as fake or patronizing, thereby making the person feel even more alienated.
• Realize that not everyone in the world is going to be friends. This is especially true if the other person feels that you purposely alienated yourself from her or alienated her from a group of people.
• Realize also that there's a difference between forgiveness and friendship. Someone who forgives you for alienating them may not necessarily want to jump into a friendship with you.

Resources

• Friend, Stranger or Enemy (published 1997)
• Love thine enemy: making friends with your rivals can help you grow—in life and in business

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