How to Console Your Adult Child After a Heartbreak

It is a fact of life--once a parent, always a parent. You have watched your darlings take their share of knocks, and you know that nothing is harder to deal with than a hurt child. It doesn't get any easier when they reach adulthood; in fact, the intensity of their hurt seems to grow in strength and duration. While you may not be able to solve the problem, you can do a lot to ease the pain.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Listen. The most important thing you can do for him in the earliest stage of this process is to be available when he needs to unload.

2. Say soothing things. Remind him that plenty of other people love and care about him. At this point, he probably doesn't care about that, but he'll store the information for a better day.

3. Ask how you can help him get through this. In the earliest stages of his heartbreak, he only wants his best beloved to come back, and there is nothing you can do about that one. Assure him that you are ready to step up and support him emotionally; offer him a room, an afternoon on the golf course, a meal. Companionship and physical activity are excellent therapy.

4. Encourage him to spend time in the company other people, especially people who care about him. It is amazing how much better he will feel, even if only temporarily, when he spends time with those who know what a great guy he is.

5. Recognize that he may experience a series of emotions typically associated with grief; be prepared to support him wherever he is in the process. When he calls in a depressed mood, talk about things that will pick him up; he's calling because he knows you can do it.

6. As he begins to come back to life, encourage him to refocus his energy and assure him that the perfect one is out there looking for him.

Tips & Warnings

• Be alert for signs that he may be planning to harm himself or someone else. If you sense trouble, contact professionals who are trained to handle crisis.