How to Reduce the Pressure to Get Into the "Right School"

Pressure to get into the "right" college is so great that teens are getting the message that they have to be perfect in order to be accepted into a good college. With all the adults in their world holding kids to unrealistic expectations, it's no wonder that they are feeling so stressed.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Recognize that success is not about getting into the right school. It's about creating a person who is healthy, happy, resilient and educated. There are many paths to success and most motivated students ultimately do well and enjoy the college they attend.

2. Allow the student to be in charge of herself. Because the college search and admissions process occurs as your teen is in the midst of transitioning from childhood to adulthood, the more the student feels in control, the less resistance to your suggestions there will be.

3. Take a casual approach. Guide your teen from his perspective of readiness. If he is not ready to visit schools or go on interviews, see if he is willing to talk to older friends about the colleges they attend.

4. Agree on a manager. If nagging and arguing is the result of any discussion about college, it might be wise to involve a friend or guidance counselor, or hire a consultant or college advisor. Sometimes teens feel less pressured when they are working with someone other than a parent.

5. Recognize that many outstanding students get rejected from the top schools. Don't allow your teen or yourself to set unrealistic goals. Be sure she is applying to carefully researched "safe" schools.

6. Communicate honestly with your teen. Talk about finances. College is likely to be the second largest expenditure (after your home) you will make. Don't pressure your child to get into a school you can't afford.

7. Make sure your teen knows you love him. Don't let him think that your approval hinges on a particular college acceptance.