How to Play the 19th Hole of Golf

The "19th hole" is the wily term for the bar at the golf course clubhouse. It can also mean any other drinking establishment a golfer visits after 18 holes of golf. An almost mandatory "hole," it's where golfers go to brag, embellish or simply give excuses for why they played like dirt. Learning how to play it properly is mandatory, if one calls himself a serious golfer.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Plan to spend time at the 19th hole. If 18 holes of golf takes three hours, make sure to tell those expecting you somewhere afterwards that the game will take five hours.
2. Decide who's buying the drinks. For example, if you get a hole in one it's customary to buy the whole bar a round. Also, it's usual for the loser of the bye to buy the first drinks on the 19th hole.
3. Keep the 19th hole an insider secret. Many wives and girlfriends don't know it exists. Keep it that way. If word gets out, many men won't be able to factor this into their playing time anymore.
4. Boast about your performance and heckle your golf mates about theirs. Run through the game highlights, give your buddies a hard time for their mishaps or defend your substandard play. Embellishments are expected.
5. Monitor your drinking. The "19th hole" isn't a nightclub in Vegas. It's a place to unwind and recap the game. Not only do you have to get in your car and drive, but returning to work or home reeking of booze will give the secret away (see Step 2).