How to Support a Friend After Death of a Child

Helping a friend through the death of a loved one is challenging enough under normal circumstances. When the death is that of a child, the difficulties increase dramatically. Thankfully, most people have never had to deal with this sort of loss. However, that also makes it that much harder to know how to act and what to do to help the parents who have lost the child cope and heal.

Instructions

1. Stay in the picture. Your first instinct may be to give the family room and let them deal with things privately. While that is probably best initially, don't let too much time pass before condolences and interacting with them normally. Though it may be hard, and a bit awkward, at first, your friend is still your friend. She has just had her world turned completely upside down and, to many, any sense of the normal life she once had, including their friends, is a welcome thing.

2. Talk about the child together to help him heal and to keep the memories of that child fresh and alive. You don't have to actively bring up the subject, but don't shrink away from conversations or change the subject either. You want to let your friend know that you remember and cherish his child and that his death didn't erase the fact that the child lived.

3. Actively offer your help. It's easy to tell your friend to call you when she needs you. However, it's much harder for the friend to actually make that call. Anticipate her needs and offer to bring meals, babysit their other children or drive those children to school or practice. She may turn you down, but the fact that you offered is what makes the difference.

4. Empathize without exaggerating or instructing. Unless you have also lost a child, don't tell him that you know how he feels. Also avoid implying that he should or shouldn't be doing something.

5. Give her the freedom to grieve as she wishes, while being watchful. Just as we are all individuals, we all grieve in our own way. Let your friend know that you will be there for her however she would like you to be. Some people want to surround themselves with loved ones, while others would prefer to have space to come to terms on their own. Follow her lead, but be their keeper as well. If it seems she needs more help than she admits to, attempt to gently guide her to that help.