How to Mate For Life

Everyone's looking for love. Chances are, you may have already found it one or more times. But what's the secret to mating for life? There is no magic trick or guarantee, but there are many things you can do to stay true to your mate, your word, and your heart. And it is a natural behavior, even in the wild, many animals mate for life. So it can be done, one day at a time.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Some creativity
• Understanding
• Patience
• The ability to put your spouse first
• Love
• Truly good intentions

1. KNOW THE PERSON YOU LOVE INSIDE AND OUT BEFORE YOU COMMIT. I'll cop to this, I've only been married for 2 years, which hardly makes me an expert! But before I ever married my husband, he knew me. He knew my neuroses, my past mistakes, my problems, my insecurities, and there were no secrets between us. And listen, everybody has faults and flaws. Everyone. If you want to "mate for life" you have to go into it with a, "I know this person and I love them anyway" attitude. It may not sound glamorous, but it's true. I'm not saying spill your life story on your first date, I'm saying don't hide. Don't ever pretend to be something you're not.
2. Geeks in love. HAVE FUN TOGETHER! Life will throw some doosies at you, it just will. It would whether you were single or coupled. So connect through laughter and fun. Find a way to de-stress together in all situations. This skill will come in handy at all times in your life together.
3. BE NICE. You'd be shocked how often people forget to be nice. I notice myself acting exasperated with my husband more often than I would with a stranger sometimes, and that's not right. It may be easy to forget, but your spouse does have feelings and they can be hurt by the littlest of words because of the fact that you hold their heart. So be tender, and be polite. Just because you live with them, doesn't mean it's okay to be rude! Please and thank you can go a LONG way in a marriage, especially when you mean it genuinely and not sarcastically.
4. A surprise from my hubby after he left for work. STAY ROMANTIC. There are so many levels of love in a marriage, it's like peeling a giant onion all the time. There's friendship, admiration, co-parenting, working together, cleaning together, financial planning together, but do not lose the romance. It is key to your bond. Work to keep the home fires burning. And be aware, this isn't the horrible job that is sounds like. When my husband cleans the kitchen for me after a long day, he might as well be George Clooney to me. His little gestures, notes, and surprises keep the romance alive.
5. DO NOT COMPARE YOUR MARRIAGE TO ANYONE ELSE'S MARRIAGE! Don't be an alarmist. It's okay if you're not living your life in a romance novel every day. Don't judge how you two are doing romantically based on any media, film, books, or what t.v. "experts" say. It's bologna, and it's distracting. Your marriage is private, and don't let anyone try to tell you that you aren't okay if you are. And don't look at another couple's marriage and say to yourself, "We should be like that." It's okay to get tips and suggestions, but you wouldn't want anyone else's relationship but yours.
6. FIGHT WELL. Fighting is good, not bad. Out of control fighting, or fighting in anger is bad. But fighting and working out a disagreement is inherently good. My husband and I once stood outside of the gates to Disneyland discussing heatedly whether or not to spend 66 dollars a piece to go in. It must've looked hysterical, or like some kind of combat strategy meeting. Each of us played Devil's advocate to our own arguments. I said, "If we spend this money now, will we be sorry later." My husband saying doing the same thing for his own argument. After about five minutes, we had reached a decision instead of punishing each other with bitter silence or sarcastic answering. We were able to move forward having actively made a decision and discussing all possible outcomes, and barring future regret. It was one of the best days of my life. But had we fought like jerks, it could've easily been one of the worst. Don't bar yourself from fighting or getting angry. That's how issues naturally arise, and when you push them down they only get worse. SO have it out, and enjoy!
7. GET OUT AND AWAY. Life can be claustrophobic. Money, in-laws, job problems, seasonal affective disorder, you name it. Dissatisfaction in life can unwittingly land on your mate. So get away together, even when you don't have the money to truly get away, at least go out for a night, a movie, or a walk. And leave it all behind. Say to yourselves, we're going out to look at each other in the face and enjoy each other. Notice the little things, tell each other what you are grateful for, and whatever monkeys you have on your back...don't allow them to come into your time off. Even if it's just a few hours. Your marriage is not your problems. Those will come and go, so make an effort to rise above the stresses in your life and don't let them infiltrate your love.
8. STAY INSEPARABLE. Be honest, at all times. I'm not saying to purposefully hurt each other's feelings. But don't let some pent up thought come between the two of you. If you're feeling depressed, say it loud and proud to your mate. If they're a little too in your space, tell them. Make a deal to always be honest with each other, then you won't be fixated on whether or not your spouse is hiding from you. But when you make that deal, be mature. If your mate says to you, "I'm bummed", do not take it personally. Be their cheerleader, and help them out. Support them, even when you don't know how, just by loving them and letting them know you are 100% behind them! It sounds cliche, but be positive.
9. On a random trip to Chicago. Did I mention having fun? This is so key. Have fun, fun, fun. Laugh at the world around you! Laugh at yourselves when you're being too serious. Laugh at the peeling wall paint, it doesn't matter. Life is too short to play out like the O.C. Again, the love in the media is not real love. So have a blast together!

Tips & Warnings

• Don't ever count out counseling, even if it's a one time deal. Everyone, and I mean everyone, needs help with their relationship now and then.
• If you are experiencing true depression, tell your spouse about the seriousness of yur emotions, and ask him/her to help you get legitimate help. Sometimes positive thinking doesn't solve everything.