Write a letter asking for the forgiveness of the estranged family member. It will be up to you to reach out first, and it will be your responsibility to calmly and gently own to up your participation in the estrangement. The rupture of a family relationship is caused by multiple people; carefully re-examine the estrangement and pinpoint what you have done to aid in its creation. Apologize for those actions without excusing them or shifting the blame to others, then express your hope that you both can begin the healing process together.

Be patient and let the estranged family member set the pace for reconciliation. Writing the apology letter is preferable to having the conversation in person or over the phone, as a letter does not require an instant response. A letter gives the estranged family member time to think and to seek counsel of her own. It may be several days, months or years before the family member wishes to respond to your letter, but peppering her with additional letters and phone calls will not speed up the process.

Advocate for yourself and set clear emotional and physical boundaries. Often in our desire to make amends with estranged family members, we will accept hurtful comments and tolerate unhealthy behavior in an effort to "keep the peace," but this will only cause conflict and pain down the road. If there is a subject that will only cause fights, or an incident that you do not want to rehash, make your boundaries clear. If your family member cannot respect those boundaries, preserve your own health and step away from the relationship.