How to Get the Most From Couples Counseling

If your relationship is rocky, if you’re unhappy and in pain, if you’re thinking about divorce--couples counseling can help you get back on track. The aim of couples counseling is to increase understanding about yourself, your partner and your family. In couples counseling you will identify the patterns of interaction that bring you closer and eliminate patterns of behavior that no longer serve your relationship.

It is possible to revitalize your relationship--so here are some steps to get started toward building a satisfying, loving partnership.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Open heart
• Willingness to grow and learn
• Honesty
• Desire to be a better partner

1. Choose an Experienced Counselor
   
   
   It is acceptable to request an introductory interview with several counselors before you decide who to work with. Decide if you prefer a man or a woman and schedule an initial interview. Ask about the counselor's experience and about the therapeutic approach. Trust your instincts about who the two of you feel comfortable with.
2. Commit to Six Sessions and Give Your All
   
   
   After you’ve begun counseling you may feel that counseling isn’t working or that it’s too hard. That’s because issues often get bigger before they get better. You’ll be talking about painful subjects and that can feel unpleasant. But, before you jump too quickly to end counseling, commit to completing six sessions. Be open and receptive to the counseling. Learn all you can. After six sessions, if you decide that counseling isn’t for you, you will know that you gave it your all.
3. Be Prepared
   
   
   Put aside embarrassment and honestly share concerns and troubles. Don't rely on the counselor to read your mind. Go to each session prepared to talk about what the issues between the two of you are. Be open to talk about all the hurts and resentments. Be willing to understand what your partner wants from you.
4. Do the Homework
   
   
   One hour of counseling per week is not enough to change a lifetime of bad habits, however, if you do the homework, practice new skills, read books and reflect on the changes you want to make, you’ll be on the right track. Counseling is like exercise; you won’t have flat abs only exercising one hour a week and you won’t have a satisfying love relationship by paying attention only one hour a week. To revitalize your relationship you have to work at it daily.
5. Become a Loving Partner
   
   
   You can’t change your partner. Your partner can’t change you. You can influence each other, but that doesn’t mean you can change each other. Becoming a more effective, more loving partner is the best way to improve a relationship. In couples counseling you will learn how to be the best partner you can be. Congratulations. You are growing and becoming your best self.
6. Share What You Feel
   
   
   True communication takes courage. It requires that you reach deeply into what you think and feel and that you take a risk by sharing with your partner. If you do this you will grow into a better, more compassionate partner.

Tips & Warnings

• Therapy becomes effective as you apply new knowledge to break ineffective patterns and develop better ones.