How to Get Over Best-Friend Betrayal

Give yourself time to recover from a friend's betrayal.

When a best friend hurts you by betraying your trust, it can be extremely difficult to heal from this experience, even if healing doesn't include restoring your relationship. Arriving at a place of true forgiveness and relieving yourself of the pain and sadness that comes as a result of betrayal can be challenging and time-consuming, but it is possible. By being patient with yourself and seeking an objective point of view, you may be able to restore your friendship and your peace of mind.

Instructions

1. Talk to your best friend about your feelings. Don't wait until a significant amount of time has passed, as this will make you even angrier or cause you to remember other things your friend has done to upset you in the past. You're likely to bring these issues up, along with the current issue of betrayal, and this could make it even harder to restore the friendship. Be sure to stick to the topic, and own all of your statements. For instance, start your sentences with "I" so that you're taking responsibility for your feelings and making it easier for your friend to recognize and acknowledge your pain.

2. Give yourself time to feel hurt, abandoned, upset or confused. Even after you've spoken to your friend, you're likely to still have negative feelings about the betrayal after she has apologized or explained that she didn't mean it. If you need some time away from your friend to get over being betrayed, be honest about this and keep your distance for as long as you need to.

3. Do something that makes you feel better and has nothing to do with the unfortunate incident that happened with your best friend. For instance, join the gym to get healthier. Exercise can also help to boost your mood and stave off depression that is sometimes associated with being emotionally hurt. Or take a drive to help clear your mind; this may help you to calm down and return home with a more balanced perspective on the situation.

4. Read books about betrayal to get expert advice on how to acknowledge and deal with your feelings. "When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal With Friends Who Betray, Abandon or Wound You" by Dr. Jan Yager may prove to be beneficial as the book will help you to determine what type of person your friend is. For instance, the book describes friends who repeatedly break promises, or the best friend who is too self-absorbed to realize that your feelings matter, too. When you clearly see your friend's character described, you may have a better idea of how to respond to the betrayal -- and whether your friendship can be saved.

5. Talk to a trusted friend or counselor if you still feel depressed. If you've taken time to yourself to heal and you still don't feel right about the situation, it may be time to speak to someone you trust and get expert advice on how to resolve your feelings.

6. Decide whether you will keep the friendship or move on. Take an honest look at your friendship to determine if it's worth saving. Choosing to work through the hurt with your best friend or make her a part of your past is the final step of healing.

References

• iVillage; 6 Types of Toxic Friends and How You Can Deal With Them; Jan Yager; February 2003.
• Babbaal: How to Get Over a Friend's Betrayal
• The Gift of Betrayal: 14 Key Lessons
• Author's Den; 8 Steps to Healing Betrayal; Rene Remington; October 2010.

Resources

• Read this Article in Spanish