How to Help Your Spouse Deal with Grief

Losing someone is painful. Almost as painful as experiencing loss is watching someone you love experience it instead. Grief and loss are difficult emotions for those directly feeling them and they’re even more so confusing for spouses. While no words or actions can undo a tragedy, words and actions can help your loved one deal and cope.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Be sympathetic. Losing someone shakes up everything and everyone. Reactions will range wide from happy memories to painful moments so keep your heart open. Try your best to understand what is being felt. Be careful not to patronize or say, “I know how you feel…” Every grieving is different.
2. Be patient. There will be moments of confusion, misunderstandings and poor planning. There will be moments of anger, sorrow and other emotions that need your patience. Stay the course, it won’t make sense and it isn’t necessarily supposed to--it’s grief.
3. Be flexible. Whether it’s holding your loved one or running to pick up fast-food because no one feels like cooking, be flexible. Loss throws regular schedules to the wind. Your spouse will lose days, thoughts and concepts of time so be ready to pick up the slack.
4. Talk. Grief is worst when it’s bottled up too long. It’s a fine line between prying and talking. Simply let your spouse know you’re there when they want to talk. Losing someone will be like a trickle of conversation one moment and a flood of talking the next.
5. Listen. As important as talking, listening gives your pained loved one a chance to vent and release some of the hurt they’re feeling. Listening can be tedious as grievers can repeat things but listening is very important. It lets them know you care and you’re truly a partner.
6. Be there. Being present, even if there’s silence means a great deal. Many people tend to shy away from grievers out of not knowing what to say. Be there and be steady. This will reinforce the support your spouse desperately needs.
7. Explore the loss together. After the shock, the biting immediate pain and the emotional sorting has faded, explore who the person lost was. Your spouse will be able to find old stories that will aid the healing process and laughter will replace tears. You will also learn new things about your loved one through their tales.

Tips & Warnings

• If you have experience with loss or know someone who has, tap into that experience and use it for empathy.