How to write a paper between midnight and 9am and still turn it in

In college there WILL be occasions when the time a large monster paper will be due is measured in hours rather than days. Whether you honestly forgot about it or didn't want to do it a pushed it off, something has to be said for the brave souls who can effectively use all of the time in front of themselves.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• computer
• energy drinks
• bottled water
• a beer

1. Pick out two working areas, one that is comfortable and one that isn't as comfortable. If you have a desktop computer and not a laptop computer move it off of the desk onto a coffee table in the comfortable area. The novelty of using it on the couch will keep you focused on your task.
2. Open up the word processor of your choice and type up your header information and your title. Get up and grab your first energy drink while contemplating your first sentence.
3. Put down the first sentence of your paper.
4. Put on some background music or television. Both would be preferable. In my experience 24 hour news channels make the best background television due to their repetition and ability to produce extreme disinterest in their subject. They also occasionally though rarely produce bits that may contribute to your paper.
5. Continue writing and break up the work into lengths of time or of pages that fits your attention span. As you finish an energy drink space out energy drinks with a bottle of water after each drink. This helps to prevent dehydration and works to keep the energizing effects of each drink fresh.
6. At about 5 am asses your progress towards completion. If you are more than half way done continue your pace until the completion of the paper. Otherwise pick up the pace.
7. When the paper has reached the required length write a conclusion, this will put it over the minimum length.
8. Run spell check, and then print out the paper. Finish your current energy drink, or start a new one if you were on water and read over the printed paper for continuity and clarity.
9. Fix any errors and repeat step eight until the paper is satisfactory.
10. Stay awake until the paper is due, use energy drinks as needed. Then turn in the paper.
11. After turning in the paper, you may want to go to sleep. The energy drinks caffeine and other energizing compounds like taurine often produce metabolites that can keep you awake. Drink the beer. Just one or you might go into party mode. Drink the one beer, the thicker the better, then lay down and close your eyes.
12. Wake up at your convenience.

Tips & Warnings

• Energy drinks with caffeine and sugar paired with serotonin precursors and B vitamins in 16-24 once sizes tend to work well
• Energy drinks consumed in quantity may lead to to dehydration or cardiovascular irritation