How to stop being a chronic bed humper.

Are you tired of humping the bed? Does waking up in the middle of the night ready to ejaculate over your sheets annoy you. Well maybe I can help, but if not at least you get to keep humping the bed. Right?

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Being a bed humper does have its benefits. For instance you no longer need your hand. Just go to sleep and you will wake later ready to explode.
   Since we are not talking about becoming a bed humper lets start with this. Acknowledge you are a Chronic Bed Humper. Once you have accomplished this you may move on to the next step.
2. Ok bed humper how do we solve this from here. How about stroking your ego before bed. Maybe this will help crave those bed humping tensions late at night. I know it does feel good to hump that bed though, but you must fight it.
3. Now beating it before going to bed isn't going to tame a true Chronic Bed Humper, so the next step would be in your bed time clothes. If you are sleeping naked then your probably are going to rub Tiny Tim all over your sheets, and guess what. Tiny Tim grows a few inches just like that. Then the humping will begin again. Try putting on some clothes, and not boxers with a slit. It isn't going to help if your pee pee can just poke out that hole for a good time.
4. Almost every man will wake with a woody a few times a week. Why you ask? Some because they were dreaming of a Geenie with a snatch, or they have to piss. Mostly I have to pee, so when you do have to pee get up and go take a piss, and don't worry it will shrink afterwards.
5. Now if you are a married man or living with your girlfriend or well a man. Either your humping to much or not enough. If you hump your bed and your partner reaches over and slaps you to stop. Don't worry I would be pissed also. Tell that bitch that this is the wrong way to get you to stop. Tell he/she to put that pee pee in her tooter and everything will be ok.
6. Now if this is not enough information to stop humping your bed. Then wait until I write my next article on the subject. Which will be called How to stop being an extreme chronic bed humper.