Things You'll Need:
- Ability to compromise
- Strong ethics
- No need to prove you are "right"
- A good mediator
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Step 1
When couples divorce, both parties often go to great lengths to prove their spouse is guilty of adultery or other misdoings. Sadly, the only ones who benefit from this are the lawyers, who rack up huge sums of money as they deplete the assets to be divided by the divorcing couple. Every time a legal letter is drawn up accusing the other party, or responding to an accusation, you will both be billed for the time spent working on your divorce. The hard truth is that in most cases, guilt or innocence of either party will not affect the way assets are divided, or who gets custody of the kids. Once you understand this, no matter how incompatible you are with your spouse, you should try to agree to preserve as much of your joint assets as possible. The only one who wins the blame game is the lawyers.
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Step 2
Divorce is often a time of hurt and anger. While it is natural to wish for some sort of revenge, bad behavior during a divorce only prolongs the legal proceedings, and yet again gives much of what is left of your assets to the lawyers. The best scenario is for both parties to be above board and honest during a divorce, but even if you find your "soon to be ex" stealing and hiding money, resist the temptation to respond in kind. Keep good records, report it to your lawyer and the police, and know that it will all be straightened out in the end. If ever there was a time to take the high road in life, this is it.
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Step 3
Consider using a mediator. A mediator is impartial, and will save you both time and money. With a mediator you pay fees to only one person, and you avoid the endless and expensive parade of written correspondence which goes back and forth between the parties' lawyers during a divorce. You meet together with the mediator, in real time, and come up with plans to determine child custody, division of assets and support payments. Each party then reviews the settlement proposal with his or her lawyer to ensure that it is fair. Mediation works best in amicable situations, but can be successful in hostile situations as well. Often, when a couple is too angry to sit in the room together, the mediator will ask them to take turns sitting in the waiting room while speaking with them one at a time. While not ideal, this still is far better than waiting weeks or months for lawyers to respond to angry letters from the other party.
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Step 4
Understand that divorce means having to compromise. No judge is going to award everything to one party and let the other one have nothing. No one can come out of a divorce as financially well off as they were during marriage, and it is rare for one party to get full custody of children unless abuse or neglect was involved. The goal in a divorce settlement is to come out with a plan where both parties have enough to get by, and both get quality time with their children. Being realistic about this will help keep the divorce from being dragged out over time.
