How to Tell Barack Obama Jokes

So you wanna take your life in your hands and tell jokes about America's new Messiah? Although good Barack Obama jokes are in short supply because information has been slow to surface about his background, record and character, it's only a matter of time before he's a target like every other politician. And don't forget, he IS a politician--as Jay Leno's writers pointed out during his presidential bid in this perceptive joke: "Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence - and then he had to leave to attend a fundraiser." Read on for MORE OBAMA JOKES.....

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. You can depend on Republicans to be a source of jokes about Obama. Here's one from them that tried to damn both Democratic canditates in the Presidential race: "If Hillary and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved? ... America!"
2. Obama owes much of his popularity to his being a new face on the scene--a symbol of newly fledged hope in a parade of well worn faces and cliches. But, being new, with a short resume, is grounds for jokers like you or Amy Poehler to make fun of his lack of experience: "Senator Obama answered doubts about his inexperience by saying he has gained tremendous insight from his work as a community organizer, civil rights attorney, constitutional law professor, key club president, 4H treasurer, lunch room monitor, two years of jazz, and four years of tap."
3. Republicans have a hard time dealing with the Obama phenomenon. The jokes they're telling about him make fun of the happenstance that his first name sounds like that of a missing terrorist and his second is "Hussein" like Iraq's one-time leader. Here's Roger Roger Ailes (Fox News) working the name jokes: "A man in France was arrested today for using his car to run down a pedestrian. He said he thought it was Osama bin Laden. OK, it was a mistake ... but it still ranks as France's biggest military victory ever...." Ailes goes for the name again later in the same speech: "And it is true that Barack Obama is on the move. I don't know if it's true that President Bush called Musharraf and said, 'Why can't we catch this guy?'"
4. But you can go another direction with the "name" jokes about Obama too--along the following lines, just like Jay Leno's done: "Do you know what Barack Obama¹s middle name is? Hussein. Could’ve been worse. Could’ve been Kerry."
5. If you google "Obama Jokes," you'll find most of them are jokes at some other politician's expense. This always happens when someone is very popular and there's a shortage of joke material. Here's one you can tell that will his supporters will really love: "Presidential candidate Barack Obama says he's going to quit smoking. Which is good news for Hillary Clinton. Now that he's breathing down her neck, she won't have to worry about second-hand smoke."
6. Although some comedians have managed to make jokes based on Obama's race, one need to be very sensitive when telling such jokes. Here's one from Conan O'Brien that makes fun of the situational rather than the personal facets of race: "Over the weekend, Senator Barack Obama visited New Hampshire and thousands of people showed up to hear him speak. The New Hampshire crowds were excited, because apparently, this is the first time they've ever seen an African-American." And here's another with the same kind of working action from Jay Leno: "Well, congratulations to Barack Obama, the big winner of the Democratic caucus. Stunning victory. He got 57% of the youth vote, 35% of the female vote, and 100% of Iowa's black vote, a guy named Larry." And now, here's one with a little more bite and a little more edgy--again from Leno: "You see Barack Obama at that rally surrounded by all those Kennedys? Man, I couldn¹t tell if he was running for president or bartender."
7. Although it doesn't touch a sensitive nerve like race, using slavery as the basis of an Obama joke can have you skating on thin ice too. If you go down this road with your Obama joke telling, do it like Bill Maher, who adds a deft twist to this joke's tail: "Did you hear the latest about Barack Obama? He comes from a family of slave owners. He’s black, but he’s half white. Apparently, on his mothers side, which is the white side, they owned slaves. The Barack Obama camp is going to deny it ... but his approval ratings in the South shot up 27 points."
8. The news flash that Obama and Dick Cheney might be distant relations provides a lot of ammunition for jokes: "Isn’t that amazing, Obama and Cheney related? Dick Cheney now has more blacks and gays in his own family than in the entire Republican Party."
   That was Leno, and here's Letterman: "Did you hear that Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are cousins? It¹s strange, isn’t it? Barack did not inherit the family sneer."
9. Here's a final Obama Joke from Leno that manages a shot at another easy target as well: "Vice President Dick Cheney’s wife, Lynne Cheney, said that Barack Obama and Dick Cheney are related. She said they are actually eighth cousins. Lynne Cheney says that Obama and Dick Cheney’s connection was the result of one of Obama’s ancestors marrying one of Cheney’s ancestors in 1650. Even more interesting, you know who introduced them in 1650? .... Bob Dole."

Tips & Warnings

• Before you tell a joke about Obama remember that pre-election he's on the road to sainthood and mocking him in front of his faithful followers might lead to you being stoned for blasphemy.
• Follow the development of jokes about Barack Obama as he becomes better know at the OBAMA JOKE TRACKING FORUM (link below) http://www.ehow.com/community/forums/topic/37342
• Before you tell a joke about Barack Obama remember that pre-election he's on the road to sainthood and mocking him in front of his faithful followers might lead to you being stoned for blasphemy.