How to Tell Hillary Clinton Jokes

Here's a Hillary Clinton joke that was probably thought up by Karl Rove: "The hottest selling political bumper sticker these days is "RUN HILARY RUN" because it sells well to Democrats and Republicans. The Republicans put it on their front bumper." If you want to tell more Hillary Rodham Clinton jokes read on. There's no shortage ...

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. There's no shortage of jokes about Hillary Rodham Clinton because she and President husband, Bill, have long been staples of the American political scene.
   
   It's also a fact, that despite HRC's undisputed achievements while First Lady and Senator, she's been an extremely polarizing figure so you'll find her enemies have created a lot of nasty jokes about her--ones that rely on vitriol rather than fun to propel the humor.
   
   Here's one: Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House.
   
   The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
   
   Washington says, "Never tell a lie,"
   
   Ouch! Says Hillary, I don't know about that.
   
   The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
   
   Jefferson says, "Listen to the people,"
   
   Ho! I really don't want to do that.
   
   On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears...Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
   
   Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."
2. Because a lot of the HRC jokes are too bitter to tell in every situation, you should be very aware of your audience so as to make sure your joke is well received.
   
   Here's one courtesy of Jay Leno that should go down well just about everywhere, since it pokes fun at both sides of the political divide:
   
   Is anybody really that surprised that Hillary Clinton is running for president?
   
   I'm not surprised. I mean, if you were married to Bill Clinton ... wouldn't you want to be able to tap his phone, read his mail, and torture him?
3. Here's one that plays on Clinton's perceived ruthlessness:
   
   Hillary was finishing up a day as Senator for New York when the Devil suddenly appeared in her office and made her an offer...
   
   "I am here to offer you a deal," the Devil said. "I will give you unlimited wealth, even more power, and a media that will pander to your every whim. In return, all I ask for is your soul, the souls of every member of your family, and the souls of all your constituents."
   
   Hillary pondered for a moment and then asked, "Unlimited wealth and power?"
   
   "Absolutely unlimited," the Devil asserted.
   
   "A pandering media?" she asked.
   
   "They'll fall over themselves to support you, no matter what you say or do," the Devil assured.
   
   "And you want my soul, my family's souls, and the souls of my constituents?" she asked.
   
   "Yes. All of them," the Devil answered.
   
   Hillary was deep in thought for a moment, then finally spoke:
   
   "So...what's the catch?"
4. Another story from the Republican joke book that attempts to paint Clinton as agressive and presumptuous:
   
   Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first.
   
   "Al, what do you believe in?"
   
   Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."
   
   God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."
   
   God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
   
   Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
   
   God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."
   
   God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"
   
   "I believe you're in my chair."
5. And here's one that will probably only be funny to die-hard Republicans:
   
   The US Postal Service has issued a recall of a stamp they created with a picture of Hillary Clinton to honor her achievements while serving as the First Lady of our nation.
   
   The problem was discovered when claims had been made that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes, and that mail which had been sent using the "Hillary" postage was not being delivered.
   
   Senator Clinton demanded a full investigation into the allegations.
   
   A special Postal Service Investigation team was formed and after several months and many dollars spent, made the following findings:
   
   *The stamp was manufactured properly.
   *There was nothing wrong with the adhesive.
   *People were just spitting on the wrong side

Tips & Warnings

• Know your audience. You can only go so far telling HRC jokes to the NOW crowd -- but an awful lot farther and nastier if your audience is Karl Rove and Dick Cheney.