How to Set Up a First Meeting When Dating Online

Online dating is an increasingly popular and socially accepted manner in which to meet potential mates. Designing a catchy dating website profile and weeding through responses is time consuming, but it’s all worth it when you’ve exchanged a few messages with someone you think might be the one. When is too soon to ask to meet in person? How do you convince him or her to give you a chance to prove that you really are as charming as your Internet profile?

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Keep your communications simple. It is easy to develop a false intimacy when communicating online. Avoid the urge to share your entire life story and all your hopes and dreams in the first few messages.

2. Try to keep your expectations realistic and remember that the person you are trying to woo designed her profile to woo you. Everyone has flaws. Do not think the person you are communicating with is perfect just because her profile doesn’t flaunt her flaws.

3. Be honest. You do not want to have unrealistic expectations for the person you’ve met online, so try not to give him unrealistic expectations of you.

4. Suggest a switch to personal email addresses. Most dating websites provide a messaging system. If things are going well with someone through these messages, show them you’re interested by giving them your personal email address and offering to continue communication independently of the site.

5. When you feel it is time to meet (before you get too invested in a person) suggest a casual face-to-face encounter. Something along the lines of meeting over coffee is ideal. A Broadway show or expensive dinner is too much. Save that for later.

6. If they agree, choose a neutral, public, low-key meeting point. Think of this less as a first date and more as a way to make sure that this person is truthful to their profile and their online communications and to prove the same about yourself.

7. Reread the person’s profile before meeting, especially if it has been a while since you last did. You want to make sure that you do not confuse any of their information with someone else’s. Though many people will be understanding, it can be quite embarrassing.

8. Be timely, open and yourself. It can be an awkward transition from online to in-person communication, especially if you have had discussions of substance. Allow for this and do not be disheartened if things start out slowly. Remember, you are just meeting this person and even if it is not a love connection, perhaps you will be able to establish a worthwhile friendship.

[thegooch]

on 6/9/2008 Nice article that sets realistic expectations and cautions the reader not to open themselves up for disaster by being in a hurry to get a date.